We have always been ready to fight off witches, but pirates…?!? We are SO not prepared for them!!
There has been a lot of bad blood between the Spanish and the English. Recently, Spanish forces attacked the English settlement of New Providence in the Bahamas. In retaliation, angry English pirates sailed to America’s oldest European settlement, St. Augustine in Florida, and kicked some serious butt. Sixty people have died from the attacks at St. Augustine.
Ugghhh, we don’t even know how to kill a pirate! Do you stab them in the heart with a stake?!?!
Life is just so hard in the New World.
They just keeping popping up out of nowhere!!!
Ann Hibbins, a wealthy widow from Boston, has been hanged for witchcraft. Suspicions started when she sued some carpenters who worked on her home because she thought they overcharged her. While she won the case, her behavior was viewed as abrasive.
Well, that’s all the evidence we need! You just can’t take ANY chances.
We guess we’ll go to church for the fifth time today and pray the witches away…
We’re not sure which part of that headline is more shocking!!
This is the first time in Maryland that there’s been an ALL-FEMALE jury. Since the case dealt with pregnancy and birth, it was decided that women were needed for their “expertise.”
Judith Catchpole, the woman in question, is an indentured servant who has been accused of killing her baby, witchcraft, slitting a woman’s throat AND stabbing a man in the back.
Those are some harsh accusations!!!
The jury inspected Judy and decided she had NOT recently given birth. They also decided her accuser was insane because he claimed Judy sewed up the woman’s slit throat and rubbed grease on the stabbed man’s back, both witchcraft tricks that made them come back to life.
Well, witches are capable of anything! Maybe the jury is made up of all witches too!
Oh no! The horror!!!!!!
Lucky Bostonians! We just LOVE the smell of books!!!!
Massachusetts has opened its first public library to educate the people about intolerance, death and slavery.
We hope they lock the section on magic so the witches don’t get to it!
Ha!
Yay!!!!!! Last year SUCKED, we’re so happy it’s over!!!
Me and Theo snuggled up last night and drank ‘til the cows came home. Literally, Bessy Sue wandered out of her fence and we waited up all night for her!!!!!
Here’s wishing you a happy new year free of smallpox, power hungry women and witch spells.
xoxoxox!!!
Mm, mmm, mmmm… give us a hawt Perezilicious piece of Matthew Hopkins!!
Once we learned that Margaret Jones was hanged based on Matthew Hopkins’ witch hunting techniques, we HAD to know the owner of such a beautiful brain.
And it turns out his brain is just as fine as his bod!!! LOL.
The famous hunter is responsible for the execution of approximately 300 witches around the world!!!!!!!!
Perez Hopkins… yup, we looooove the sound of that!
We need a witch shelter ASAP.
Margaret Jones from Massachusetts has been found guilty of being a witch based on witch hunter Matthew Hopkins’ techniques.
She is definitely a witch because she had a weird nipple that shriveled up and then grew somewhere else after examination! Also, her touch made EVERYONE ill and she was seen carrying a little girl who disappeared when people came closer.
Luckily this witch is being hanged, but sources say there could be more.
We are going to check everyone’s nipples from now on. We can’t take ANY chances.
Wow. Just… wow.
A witch, Alse Young, was hanged at the Meeting House Square in Hartford, Connecticut after a trial. Apparently she was found guilty of doing whatever witches do, because now she’s paying the price.
We don’t know much about the trial, but we don’t really want to! We’re kind of scared to say anything bad because the witches might put a spell on us!!!
We will be reading the Bible ALL night.
O no, Indians, religious freedom and now tornados?? What’s next — witches?!?!
New England has been hit by its first ever tornado! Thank GOD no one was hurt, but it did kill one unlucky Indian who was smushed dead by a tree that fell over.
John Winthrop, governor of Massachusetts, described the event:
“There arose a sudden gust so violent for one-half hour as it blew down multitudes of trees. It lifted up their meeting house at Newbury, the people being in it. It darkened the air with dust, yet through God’s great mercy it did no hurt, but only killed one Indian with the fall of a tree.”
Even Mother Nature hates the Indians!!
Whatevs!
