Srsly??? How is slavery STILL acceptable?!?!
The Virginia Slave Code has laid down the law and it ain’t pretty! It declares non-Christian servants entering the colony to be slaves; acquits masters who have killed slaves during punishment; outlaws slaves and free colored peeps from physically assaulting the whites; and prohibits slaves from bearing arms or moving abroad without permission.
And you call that a life??? Even animals have more rights than that!
How long do U give it before the slaves revolt again????
Move over, Harvard!!!!
The College of William & Mary, now the second institute of higher learning in America, has been founded in Virginia under a royal charter. Designed to provide education to civil servants and clergymen, the college has been named in honor of the reigning monarchs, King William III and Queen Mary II. James Blair has been named the first President.
If we want to bore ourselves to tears we’ll make sure to visit the campus!!!
Who wants to learn when you can take naps all day instead???
Yikes.
Apparently slaves have been meeting undercover at slave funerals to plot against the white people around town. The plan was to murder the whites and escape during a mass funeral. When the whites caught wind of it, the leaders of the plan were executed. They have also banned slave funerals to prevent any further undercover plotting.
Murder plots ARE bad, but how can you ban funerals??? You can’t ban people from dying, so that’s just a weird punishment!!
We had a sneaking suspicion people in Virginia weren’t exactly the most yellow kernels on the cob!
So dumb.
Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this year!!
Virginia Governor SWB, still pissed that Bacon died from dysentery before he could get his hands on him, hanged 23 of Bacon’s supporters. We hear that King Charles II is telling SWB to leave for England because he’s made too many enemies in Virginia. After all, King Charles II had less people killed for the beheading of his own father!
23 executions is a LOT, don’t U think???
Nooooooooooooo!!!!! Our hearts are totally broken!!
Soon after burning Jamestown to the ground, Nathaniel Bacon died of dysentery on October 26th. Bacon’s army of rebels have dispersed and Virginia Governor Sir William Berkeley has returned to power.
We will NEVER love again.
With those eyes, he can take us hostage any day of the week!!
Nathaniel Bacon wrote a Declaration of the People of Virginia which complains that Governor Sir William Berkeley is levying unfair taxes, failing to protect colonists from Indian attacks and appointing his friends to high positions. Then, to show he means business, Bacon attacked the friendly Pamunkey Indians and with a group of about 500 men burned Jamestown to the ground!!
They’re calling it “Bacon’s Rebellion,” but it sounds more like “Bacon’s Rampage” to us. SWB has reportedly fled the area for safety.
Burning Jamestown sounds a little dramatic, and we’re also disappointed that Bacon attacked the nice Indians. ‘Sup with that?!?!
Oh well, being a seXXXy rebel DOES comes with a price. He doesn’t sound like the sharpest axe in the shed.
LOL!
Oopsie! Looks like someone had a bad case of butter fingers!!!
Planter Thomas Mathews neglected to pay the Doeg Indians for trade goods so they raided his farm and stole a pig in retaliation. Pissed, the colonists went to teach the Doegs a lesson. In doing so, they accidentally killed the wrong Indians: The Susquehannocks.
Virginia Governor Sir William Berkeley frantically tried to avoid total war by setting up a peace meeting between all parties, but the disastrous meeting ended with the murders of several tribal chiefs. Some say SWB keeps taking the Indians’ side because he makes money off them in trade.
This is about to get ugly!!! There is NOTHING worse than old, white, money-hungry men. Well, maaaybe old, white, money-hungry witches…
But men are the next worst thing!!!
Ooooh this could get interesting!
A bunch of whiny farmers in Virginia are demanding the Indians roaming the land around their settlement be sent away or KILLED!
We don’t know why the farmers are acting like such divas, but technically the Indians are protected by a treaty. After PocaHOntas’ uncle,Chief Opechanacanigetawhatwhat, kept massacring the settlers of Jamestown a peaceful agreement was reached between the English and Indians.
I wonder if anything exciting will come of this. What do U think?????
Sadly, we have heard reports that Margaret Brent, a crazy spinster woman who requested the right to vote, has passed away in Virginia at the age of 70.
It’s worth mentioning that her sex life was STILL nonexistent at the time of her death. She died VERY single, giving her only property to her sister, brother and his children.
We can’t imagine she lived a very fulfilled life.
May there be plenty of safe and virtuous sex in Heaven.
Ohhh no they didn’t!!
Unless you’re brain dead, you know that the bloody Beaver Wars have been raging for years now. It all started when the Dutch and English encouraged the Iroqouis Indians, led by the Mohawks, to expand their territory so they could monopolize on the fur trade. In other words, the Iroqouis were encouraged to beat the shiz out of other Indian tribes to steal their land so they could trade fur for Europan goods, like liquor.
Recently, the Iroqouis lost their their Dutch allies after the English took over New York and the English stopped trusting the bloodthirsty Iroqouis because, well, they’re insane. With a lack of support, the Beaver Wars quieted down… until now.
The Iroquois have now brutally forced the Mannahoac tribe out of the northern Virginia area!!!
Oh, did we mention that the Iroqouis EAT THEIR VICTIMS????
We would NEVER go through all that trouble just to get some beavers!!
