John Norton Writes First Biography in America

john cotton

Learning about other people’s lives… that sounds fun!

John Norton, a hardcore Puritan, has published the first biography in America based on the great Puritan leader John Cotton. Cotton is well-known for his religious influence in New England, turning his back on the banished and outspoken Anne Hutchinson, as well as his banishment of Roger Williams who was first to believe in separating Church and State.

REJOICE!!! There’s such a shortage of religious books and religious people, we were going crazy!! 

We can FINALLY stop reading cooking recipes in our spare time!!

Massachusetts Makes Heresy Punishable by DEATH!!

church going to kill you all

Geez, someone’s cranky!!!

Getting fed up with all these R-Wills and Anne Hutchinson types, the Puritans in Massachusetts can now kill you if you don’t obey their orthodox ways.

Well that seems very Christian! If you don’t like ‘em, just kill ‘em! 

Problem solved!

R-Wills Writes a Book on His Love for Indians

Filed under: 1643 > Roger Williams > Indians > Rhode Island > 1640s >

Portrait of Roger Williams

And the bat-shit crayzay award of the week goes to… R-Wills! Only HE would write a nice educational book about the Indians.

R-Wills, founder of Rhode Island, has wrote a book called A Key Into the Language of America. In it he describes Indian languages of New England

SNORE. Oops, sorry, that book sounded so boring we fell asleep!! 

We can’t believe how obsessed with the Indians he is. They’ve probably scalped his relatives in some part of New England

And The Anne Hutchinson Trial Verdict is…

Anne Hutchinson Led From Boston

Guilty!! Shocker.

After realizing what a crazy nutbag Anne Hutchinson is, the Bay Colony of Massachusetts threw her out on the streets. She’s officially banished and is now heading to Providence to join the other crazy nutbag, R-Wills, who believes in “freedom of religion”.

Now they can be crazy together!


R-Wills Separates Church and State

Some people are effing clueless.

Roger Williams, banished from Massachusetts for his “diverse, new and dangerous opinions”, declared that the Providence settlement he founded will have freedom of religion. 

He believes that each individual should be free to follow his or her own religion and that idolatry, Sabbath-breaking, false worship and blasphemy should not be punishable by law.

That’s just great. Before you know it, Satan worshippers will be running naked through the streets on Sundays!