“My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.
Wait… where do these feelings come from? Why do I think so highly of my mother? Is it possible that I was sexually abused as a child and therefore emotionally compensate by suppressing those memories with grandeur delusions of love and loyalty? I feel so frightened. So very frightened…”
- George Washington
"No taxation without representation
and certainly no fornication without autoerotic asphyxiation.”
- Popular phrase coined by James Otis
"Men… must have corrupted nature a little, for they were not born wolves, and they have become wolves.
Plus, they can’t dance, they have terrible fashion sense AND they can’t keep it in their pants!”
- Voltaire in his novella, Candide
"Lord, stamp eternity on my eyeballs.
@#$%^&*, owww !!! Dayum, Lord, I wasn’t serious!!!!! This is so NOT cool.”
- Jonathan Edwards, Christian preacher and theologian
“History is nothing more than a tableau of
awesomeness, sex, scandal, crimes and misfortunes.”
"It is never too late to be wise
crackin’ jokes about yo mama.”
- Daniel Defoe in his book, Robinson Crusoe
"Wife and servant are the same, but only differ in the Name.
So no, I won’t make you a God d*mn sandwich.”
- Lady Mary Chudleigh in her poem The Ladies Defense
"It were better that Ten Suspected Witches should escape, than that one Innocent Person should be Condemned.”
- Increase Mather, influential Puritan minister
"They which lie, must go to their father, the devil, into everlasting burning; they which never pray, God will pour out his wrath upon them; and … God will not forgive them
unless they’re super duper sorry.”
- Cotton Mather, Harvard graduate and influential Puritan minister