“Men… must have corrupted nature a little, for they were not born wolves, and they have become wolves. Plus, they can’t dance, they have terrible fashion sense AND they can’t keep it in their pants!”
- Voltaire in his novella, Candide
“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. So don’t be a dumbass and read your Perez Hamilton, kids.”
“Lord, stamp eternity on my eyeballs. @#$%^&*, owww!!! Dayum, Lord, I wasn’t serious!!!!! This is so NOT cool.”
- Jonathan Edwards, Christian preacher and theologian
“History is nothing more than a tableau of awesomeness, sex, scandal, crimes and misfortunes.”
- Voltaire
“It is never too late to be wisecrackin’ jokes about yo mama.”
- Daniel Defoe in his book, Robinson Crusoe
“Wife and servant are the same, but only differ in the Name. So no, I won’t make you a God d*mn sandwich.”
- Lady Mary Chudleigh in her poem The Ladies Defense
“It were better that Ten Suspected Witches should escape, than that one Innocent Person should be Condemned.”
- Increase Mather, influential Puritan minister
“It is an awesome unhappy thing that in later years a Kind of Drink called Rum has been common among us. They that are poor, and sicked, too, can for a penny or twopence make themselves drunk.”
- Boston clergyman and President of Harvard College, Increase Mather
“Nearer the gods no mortal may approach unless they are on drugs. On drugs, it is most definitely possible.”
- Astronomer Edmond Halley, best known for “Halley’s Comet”
