The Smelly Frenchies DESTROY the Brits

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Maybe if the Brits weren’t so busy showering, they’d have more time to practice war things!!!

The Brits sent Major General Edward Braddock to capture Fort Duquesne and take over the Ohio Country, but he screwed up BIG time. He underestimated just how strong the French and their allies would be. He got shot in the chest and his surviving troops retreated.

On the bright side, George Washington came out of his retirement or whatever to volunteer in the battle.

Yay!!

Washington’s Indian Allies Go Effing NUTS

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Get ready for a shockfest!!

George Hottie Washie and his men surrounded a small French camp and a battle ensued. Within 15 minutes, the French called for a cease fire.

The wounded French commander tried to explain his mission to Hottie Washie but, midway through, Hottie Washie’s ally (an Indian leader known as the “Half-King”) went up to the French commander, Jumonville, and put a hatchet through his skull just because he could.

RUDE!! These Indians have NO social graces.

Before Washie could stop the insanity, his Indian allies killed the remaining French soldiers and scalped them. 

We bet the Frenchies back home are gonna llloooovvvee this news!!!!!

#facepalm

George Washington Preps to Kick French Booty!!!!

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We just hope he doesn’t get any scars on that pretty little face!

After the French refused to leave the Ohio area, the Brits started plotting against them. George Washington was ordered to pick a spot to build a fort near the French and a guy named William Trent was ordered to start raising a small force. Construction on the fort began ASAP, but the French caught wind of it, swooped in, and made the Brits leave mid-construction. 

And because our Hottie Washie works so hard, he was just promoted to lieutenant colonel of the Virginia militia. He is now leading about 200 Virginians and Indian allies to fight the French.

YAY! Congrats on the promotion, Washie!!! Stay safe!

XXOXOXO!!!!!!!!!!!

Major George Washington Gets Sassy with the French

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We just LOVE a man in uniform!!!

Major Hottie George Washington was ordered to deliver a letter to the French telling them to GTFO of Ohio because Britain already claimed it. And guess what?? The Frenchies are saying NO!

Now Major Hottie Washington is on a mission to befriend local Indians to gain their human shields support in case the Brits and Frenchies cat fight over Ohio.

Oh, and did we mention he is SINGLE??? But back off, ladies, he’s ours!!!! 

Mrs. Perez Washington… we LOVE it!

LOLz!