Benjamin Franklin Says, “Join, or Die”!!!!

join or die

When did BJ Franky Franks become such a psychopath?????????

In what is being called the first 'death threat via newspaper' ‘political cartoon’ in America, BJ Franky Franks has published this freaky ass snake in the Pennsylvania Gazette. It is his way of urging the very fragmented British colonies to unite in order to kick French butt over control for America.

Note that Delaware and Georgia are NOT included in this cartoon. 

Threatening the American people AND dissing two colonies??? Tsk tsk. Didn’t mama teach you ANYTHING?

You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!!!!

Freedom of Press in America?!? Zenger Found NOT Guilty!!

Filed under: 1730s > 1735 > Laws > New York > Trial of Peter Zenger >

unicorn hugger

Holy smokes, we did NOT see that coming!!!

John Peter Zenger was found not guilty by a jury after being accused of publishing articles that attacked the government. The jury declared his innocence after lawyer Andrew Hamilton proved the allegations to be true.

Basically, this means that you can print whatever horrible nasty things you want about the government as long as it’s true! We bet Bill Cosby and other top dogs are FUMING over this news.

Yay, we can finally call everyone in power a total whorebag idiot and not have to worry about going to jail!!!!

Bill Cosby Sues John Peter Zenger for Libel

bill fuckin cosby
It’s the trial of the century!!!! FYI, in our most recent 1730s dictionary, libel is defined as:

"Published information that opposes the government."

Anyway, JP Zenger printed a publication in the New York Weekly Journal that accused the NY royal governor, William S. Cosby, of rigging elections and other crimes. Even though JP Zenger only published the accusations and didn’t actually write them, he won’t reveal the actual authors.

Now Bill Cosby is taking JP to court and the most famous, seski lawyer in all of the American colonies, Andrew Hamilton, will be defending JP!!!!

We will SOOO keep you updated on what’s to come!!!!

NY Governor Tells Germans to GTFO

Filed under: 1712 > New York > Pirates > 1710s >

perez hamilton go home germans

Rude.

If the Germans’ lives already didn’t suck enough fleeing Europe because the bratty French kept attacking them, now they’ve discovered that America doesn’t want them either. New York governor Robert Hunter is spreading word that the ministry of London doesn’t care about their welfare, that Robert himself has no money to help and from now on they are on their own without protection.

Sucks to be them! Maybe they should just turn back around and make peace with France.

Just think of the two month return trip as a luxurious cruise. Only instead of luxury, the cruise would be filled with disease, famine and the threat of pirates!!

Dumbest New York Law EVER is Established

Filed under: 1710 > Indians > Massachusetts > New York > Slavery > Laws >

indians

Brace yourselves.

New York now prohibits blacks and Indians from walking around at night without a lit lantern. 

The white men in our hood are WAY creepier than any blacks or Indians we know. We’d feel more comfortable if THEY had to carry a lantern too!

Sigh. We’d expect this idiotic law from the mASSholes, but not in the stylish and tolerant New York.

C’mon, bb! You’re better than this!

NJ Trying to Oust Governor Lord Cornbury for Being a Douche

Filed under: 1707 > New Jersey > 1700s > New York >

lord cornbury

Holy shiz! Cornbury gives new meaning the word corruption!

The cross-dressing governor of NY and NJ has been a very bad girl boy. People are starting to complain that he’s, “a spendthrift, a grafter, a bigoted oppressor and a drunken vain fool.” He has been looting public funds, stealing land and passing laws to increase his fortune. What REALLY pissed New Jersey off is that he unjustly persecuted Presbyterian minister Francis Makemie.

The truth ALWAYS comes out of the closet!!! We just wish he didn’t give cross-dressers such a bad name!!!!

Founder of Presbyterianism in America is Arrested!

Filed under: 1707 > New York > New Jersey > 1700s >

arrested man

We would SO make fun of that religion if only we could pronounce it!!!

Francis Makemie was recently arrested by the cross-dressing govenor of NY and NJ, Lord Cornbury, for preaching without a license. We hear that the people are not happy with Cornbury, and Makemie will probably be acquitted.

This is kind of a big deal. If Makemie is acquitted, that could be a major step for religious freedom in America!!

AMAZEBALLS!

Peace, love and orgies for everyone!!!! LOL.

Frenchman Opens School For Slaves in New York

Filed under: 1704 > God > New York > Slavery > 1700s >

slave thank god

Hallelujah!!!

Frenchman Elias Naud said the slaves, “who were without God in the world and of whose souls there was no manner of care taken,” needed someone to show them the light of God. He has now opened a school to teach slaves all about the principles of religion. 

Ugghhh, why didn’t we think of that??? He’s definitely going to Heaven now!!

Good job, suck up Elias!

Governor of NY and NJ Cross-Dresses as a Woman!!!!

Filed under: 1702 > New Jersey > New York > 1700s >

lord cornbury cross-dress

U go, gurl!!!!!!!!

Governor of NY and NJEdward Hyde, 3rd Earl of Clarendon, has been dressing in women’s clothing!! Recently he opened the New York Assembly wearing a gown, a headdress and carrying a fan like Queen Anne.

Another source of ours claims:

"[He wears women’s clothing and hides] behind trees to pounce, shrieking with laughter, on his victims.”

Cross-dressing is one thing, but pouncing on people he’s supposed to govern is another!! We don’t know if we love her him or hate her him!!!

What do U think?? Is it okay for people in office to cross-dress in public???

NY Governor Sends Captain William Kidd to Hunt Pirates

Filed under: 1690s > 1695 > New York > Pirates > William Kidd >

william kidd

He can tell us to walk the plank any day of the week!!

Seksi Captain William Kidd has been hired by NY governor Richard Coote to attack and capture pirates and French enemy ships. Even though William has asked to sail under the full protection of the King and with a fully trained crew, Coote rejected the idea. Instead, he has promised Kidd pirate riches if the expedition goes as planned. If it doesn’t, Kidd will have to pay back Coote and his investors the cost of the expedition.

The whole thing DOES sound a little sketchy to us, but that’s what makes it even hawter!!

Go get ‘em, Kidd!