BJ Franky Frank’s Bastard Son is Appointed Royal Governor of NJ

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We can hear the fist pumping celebration all across Jersey!!

BJ Franky Frank’s used his power to trick people into believing that his son, William Franklin, is more than a prostitute’s mistake useful aid in his science experiments. After completing a law education and proving himself to be a competent human being, William has secured a place as Royal Governor of NJ.

OoOoh, ooh! Can we suggest the first order of business?? Open up a dance club on the Jersey Shore!!!

All that bumpin’ and grindin’ will do WONDERS for the economy (and our asses)!!!!!!

Benjamin Franklin Says, “Join, or Die”!!!!

join or die

When did BJ Franky Franks become such a psychopath?????????

In what is being called the first 'death threat via newspaper' ‘political cartoon’ in America, BJ Franky Franks has published this freaky ass snake in the Pennsylvania Gazette. It is his way of urging the very fragmented British colonies to unite in order to kick French butt over control for America.

Note that Delaware and Georgia are NOT included in this cartoon. 

Threatening the American people AND dissing two colonies??? Tsk tsk. Didn’t mama teach you ANYTHING?

You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!!!!

The College of New Jersey AKA Princeton Founded

Filed under: 1740s > 1746 > God > Ivy League > New Jersey > Princeton > Education >

princeton

Lordy, Lordy!!! Dirty Jersey actually WANTS to learn??? 

New Light Presbyterians have founded the institution in order to train ministers. Right now the place of higher learning is in Elizabeth, New Jersey, but we hear it will be moving to Princeton in the next decade.

We don’t know why any holy person would want to live in such a filth hole. This is probably the Devil’s doing!!!

You couldn’t pay us enough to go!!

Stono Rebellion: Largest Slave Uprising EVER in America

slave rebellion

It was probs originally the “Stoned Rebellion" because the slaves must have been high as kites to go through with this cray-cray uprising!!!

Led by a slave named Jemmy, nicknamed “Cato,” 20 fellow slaves gathered near the Stono River in South Carolina on a Sunday when white people were at church. They marched towards a slave-free Florida with a sign that said “Liberty!”, recruiting more than 80 slaves and killing anyone who tried to stop them along the way. 

South Carolina Lieutenant Governor William NoBullShit wasn’t pleased with Cato’s uprising, so he sent a militia down to stop them. The slaves fought like hell, but the white people killed or captured most of the rebels.

Who knew Florida was full of freedom-loving hippies?????

HMMMmmmm…. our beach house on the Jersey Shore is SO last decade. Maybe we’ll relocate!!!

NJ Trying to Oust Governor Lord Cornbury for Being a Douche

Filed under: 1707 > New Jersey > 1700s > New York >

lord cornbury

Holy shiz! Cornbury gives new meaning the word corruption!

The cross-dressing governor of NY and NJ has been a very bad girl boy. People are starting to complain that he’s, “a spendthrift, a grafter, a bigoted oppressor and a drunken vain fool.” He has been looting public funds, stealing land and passing laws to increase his fortune. What REALLY pissed New Jersey off is that he unjustly persecuted Presbyterian minister Francis Makemie.

The truth ALWAYS comes out of the closet!!! We just wish he didn’t give cross-dressers such a bad name!!!!

Founder of Presbyterianism in America is Arrested!

Filed under: 1707 > New York > New Jersey > 1700s >

arrested man

We would SO make fun of that religion if only we could pronounce it!!!

Francis Makemie was recently arrested by the cross-dressing govenor of NY and NJ, Lord Cornbury, for preaching without a license. We hear that the people are not happy with Cornbury, and Makemie will probably be acquitted.

This is kind of a big deal. If Makemie is acquitted, that could be a major step for religious freedom in America!!

AMAZEBALLS!

Peace, love and orgies for everyone!!!! LOL.

Governor of NY and NJ Cross-Dresses as a Woman!!!!

Filed under: 1702 > New Jersey > New York > 1700s >

lord cornbury cross-dress

U go, gurl!!!!!!!!

Governor of NY and NJEdward Hyde, 3rd Earl of Clarendon, has been dressing in women’s clothing!! Recently he opened the New York Assembly wearing a gown, a headdress and carrying a fan like Queen Anne.

Another source of ours claims:

"[He wears women’s clothing and hides] behind trees to pounce, shrieking with laughter, on his victims.”

Cross-dressing is one thing, but pouncing on people he’s supposed to govern is another!! We don’t know if we love her him or hate her him!!!

What do U think?? Is it okay for people in office to cross-dress in public???

East and West Jersey Unite into New Jersey

Filed under: 1702 > New Jersey > 1700s >

new jersey east and west

WOOO HOOO!!!! Even more Jersey for us to party in!!!

East and West Jersey have united into the royal colony of New Jersey under the rule of Queen Anne. Edward Hyde, 3rd Earl of Clarendon (aka Lord Cornbury) has been named governor.

You were never too “old” for us, but congrats on the royal upgrade, New Jersey!!!

King William III is (Hopefully) Gay!!!!!

king william iii gay

OUR DREAM COME TRUE!!!! How did our gaydar not go off earlier?!?!!? 

Word is buzzing all over town that King William III is getting it on with the seksi men around him. Rumor has it that he is constantly around his close f*ck buddies guy friends and he only had ONE mistress when he was with his wifey, Queen Mary II

Hmmm, that’s why he was probably sooo sad when QMII died. She was his beard!!!

We’ll take care of you, bb!! We know a FABOOSH secret hideaway down the Jersey shore!!

King Charles II Gives Land to William Penn Who Has Never Seen America

william penn

In order to settle a debt King Charles II owed Penn’s father, he gave Quaker William Penn a HUGE chunk of American land. We hear Will is sailing to America now to visit his new gift. 

What a moron!! We can’t believe he bought part of New Jersey before ever setting foot in America yet!! That’s like buying a pie shop but never having eaten a pie!!!!

What do U think William Penn will name his new land???