A River Ferry Leads to Drama!!!

Filed under: 1730 > Maryland > Pennsylvania > 1730s >

wrights ferry

Weirder things have happened!

Pennsylvania and Maryland have been bitching over a border dispute for years. It started when The Pennsylvania Charter of 1681 laid out some boundaries that were apparently inaccurate, so Maryland’s been fighting it ever since.

When John Wright made a ferry to cross the Susquehanna River this year, Pennsylvanians started inhabiting the disputed land. To challenge Wright, a Maryland guy named Thomas Cresap built his own ferry nearby. Maryland granted Cresap ownership over the disputed land and he’s making everyone living there pay up. 

The disputed territory is only a 28 mile strip. 

These selfish bitches need to learn some manners and share!

Maryland Prohibited From Growing Tobacco

Filed under: 1660s > 1666 > Maryland > Laws >


Aww, boo!!! How are we supposed to get our fix??

Due to an abundance of tobacco in America, Maryland colonists are now banned from growing it for a whole year. Hopefully there will be larger demand for the crop when the year is over.

They can take our tobacco, but they can NEVER take our freedom!!

Oh wait, we don’t have that either.

White Women and Black Men Can’t Marry

Filed under: 1660s > 1664 > Maryland > Laws >

1664 white man black woman

Well, this is rather odd.

Maryland has created a law banning white women from marrying black men. We wonder if the same applies for the other way around?? 

There’s no point in trying to understand something that makes no sense in the first place. Why should the law have ANY say in who we can or can’t marry??

Oh well, this stoopid thing will probably blow over in a year or two and we can marry whoever the heck we like!


Lord Baltimore Appoints His Son Governor of Maryland

Filed under: 1660s > 1661 > Maryland > Lord Baltimore >

lord baltimore's son is a whiny bitch

Nope, no bias here! We’re sure Lord Baltimore's 24-year-old son is probably very capable to govern a colony. Ha!!

In the most ridiculous appointment of the century, the proprietor of Maryland, Lord Baltimore, has decided his son Charles would be the best pick for deputy governor of his colony — even though the coattail riding brat lives in England. Charles is on his way across the Atlantic now to serve daddy.

He will probably throw a bunch of colonial pAArties and be fired in no time. 

Save us a beer, Chuck!!!

New BFF Alert: Lord Baltimore + King Charles II

lord baltimore

Well, the Protestants may have won the Maryland civil war, but that doesn’t mean shiz now!

The Commonwealth of England has been dissolved and King Charles II has returned to his rightful position as the King of England. Of course, King Charles II won’t allow some bratty Protestant to rule his colony of Maryland, so he’s restored all the power back to the Roman Catholic Lord Baltimore.

Aw. Happy endings ALWAYS make us cry!

Married Woman Arrested for Bedding Another Man

Filed under: 1650s > 1657 > Maryland > Virginia > Unfamous >

dad and daughter drinking

She had it coming.

Mary Butler and Alexander King have “lived and bedded together as man and wife” in Maryland for the past three months. Too bad Mary's husband, who she left in Virginia, had no idea this was going on.

When the Maryland authorities found out they had the two love birds arrested. Alex managed to break out of prison, but Mary was not so lucky. She received 20 lashes and was shipped back off to Virginia.

Alex must have be one HAWT lover if she stayed with him for three months while she was married!

Can anyone introduce us?!?

All-Female Jury Acquits Witch of Murdering Her Baby + Others

Filed under: 1650s > 1656 > Maryland > Witches > Unfamous >

Judith Catchpole Witch

We’re not sure which part of that headline is more shocking!!

This is the first time in Maryland that there’s been an ALL-FEMALE jury. Since the case dealt with pregnancy and birth, it was decided that women were needed for their “expertise.”

Judith Catchpole, the woman in question, is an indentured servant who has been accused of killing her baby, witchcraft, slitting a woman’s throat AND stabbing a man in the back.

Those are some harsh accusations!!!

The jury inspected Judy and decided she had NOT recently given birth. They also decided her accuser was insane because he claimed Judy sewed up the woman’s slit throat and rubbed grease on the stabbed man’s back, both witchcraft tricks that made them come back to life.

Well, witches are capable of anything! Maybe the jury is made up of all witches too!

Oh no! The horror!!!!!!

CIVIL WAR in Maryland!!!

Filed under: 1655 > Catholics > Maryland > Protestants > War > 1650s >

battle of severn

Guess they aren’t in a merry land after all! HA!

Remember how the Toleration Act (which granted Catholics the right to worship) got repealed in Maryland???

Well now it’s started an ALL-OUT war!!!!

Lord Baltimore, the Lord Proprietor of Maryland who is loyal to the King of England and is also a Roman Catholic, was removed from authority and replaced by William Fuller, a Protestant who is loyal to the new Commonwealth of England.

Now forces loyal to Lord Baltimore are fighting Will Fuller’s posse in the Battle of Severn to win Maryland back.

Ugh. Violence is NEVER the answer.

Who do U think will win the Maryland civil war???

Uh-Oh, Catholics! Protestants Repealed the Toleration Act!

Filed under: 1654 > Maryland > Protestants > Catholics > God > 1650s >

jesus stfu

We smell trouble!

The Protestants have seized control of Maryland again and have repealed the Act that granted Catholics the right to worship. 

We don’t get it. Don’t they both love Jesus and God?? What’s the big effing deal???

Just kiss and make up, you drama queens!!!!

"The Toleration Act" is Passed in Maryland

Filed under: 1649 > God > Maryland > Protestants > Catholics > 1640s >

For the love of GOD, nooooooo!!!!!

Maryland was all scared because the Protestants seized control of the mostly Catholic colony. The Catholics took back control and wanted to KEEP control. With The Toleration Act, the Protestants have to stop hating on the Catholics by law.

The law grants freedom of worship to Christians who believe in the Trinity of God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. Thankfully, the law doesn’t apply to ALL religions because you can still be executed for not believing the divinity of Jesus or the Trinity. 

Ugh, we do NOT like where all this religious freedom stuff is going.

As always, we will pray for your souls.