Violence is NEVER the answer.

Ann Warner of Rhode Island petitioned for a divorce from her husband after he “laid violent hands on her.” Until the Court of Trials could make a decision in the case, she was granted a restraining order. When the case went before the Court of Trials she confessed that she STILL feared for her life. The court has now posted a crazy high bond of 50 pounds.

We hope that dickhead stays behind bars for good!!!

Yuck!

What a buzzkill!

While her husband wasn’t home, Mary Wheeler and two of her children met an unfortunate fate. A homeless kid demanded that she offer him shelter and lodging but when she refused he picked up an axe and killed them. He soon confessed to the crime and was executed. 

What is wrong with people these days?! They’re seriously insane!!!!!

Hopefully these executions will serve as a warning to others who are teetering on the edge of murder. 

No wonder he’s a criminal!! With a name like AbraHAM BUTTERworth, he must have some SERIOUS scars from being bullied.

AbraHAM BUTTERworth of Rhode Island was recently arrested for “Misbehavior in and towards his family.” He was, however, released after he slept with the jury and promised to be good.

He was probably misbehaving because he was so pissed at his family for inheriting a stupid name!!

It’s okay, Ham, it could be worse — your name could be PocaHOntas.

Ha!

Holy shiz, this is giving us a headache!

As we told you earlier, Grietje Pieters sued Lysbet Ackermans because she accused Grietje of stealing her beaver. After the case was dismissed, a neighbor by the name of Mary Pia went up to Grietje and said in an accusatory tone that she heard from “others” that Grietje had in fact stolen the beaver. Then Grietje sued her, which prompted Mary to claim the rumor started from another woman, Sara Teunis. Sara claimed the rumor started with Jesayntje Verhage.

Jesayntje testified:

“Lysbet Ackermans told her …. that Grietje Pieters had brought a pint of beer from her house and left the door open and that an Englishman and an Indian were in her house, but she did not know who took it.”

When in doubt, point the finger at the Indians!! They always get blamed for EVERYTHING.

Seriously though, talk about a skankfest! They like to run their mouths but run away before they get in trouble.

If you can’t walk the walk, don’t talk the talk!!

Gossip, scandal AND beavers?!?? LOVES it!

Grietje Pieters went over to her neighbor Lysbet Ackermans’ house to have a beer. Soon after the hangout, Lysbet accused Grietje of stealing her beaver from her home. Grietje was so angry about the accusation that she sued Lysbet for slander. Lysbet quickly changed her story in court and stated that she only innocently asked Grietje, “I lost a beaver, have you got it?”

With no evidence to prove anything, the court threw out the case. Sadly for Grietje, the damage is already done. EVERYONE’S talking about how Grietje really did steal Lysbet’s beaver. 

Hmmm, we wouldn’t put it past her. After all, she DID have a beer and that makes people do really silly things. Trust us. We know. LOL!

Do U think Grietje stole Lysbet’s beaver????

Just one look at their teeth will tell you who’s REALLY English. Ha!

King Charles II is still a little sensitive that his monarchy was recently overthrown, so he’s doing everything in his power to strengthen the monarchy and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

As part of this effort he has amended The Navigation Act of 1651. Now all ships doing trade must be three-quarters English and all products NOT produced by the mother country (like cotton, tobacco and sugar) can ONLY be shipped from the colonies to England or other English colonies.

We understand that he’s feeling a little embarrassed by the whole overthrown thing, but this is a little extreme.

What do U think about the new addition to The Navigation Act???

Oooooh, scandalous!!!!! 

A Boston man, Captain Kemble, returned home after three years at sea and kissed his wife in public on the Sabbath. This is a BIG no-no, so he was sentenced to sit in the stocks for two hours for his “lewd and unseemly behavior”. 

God is ALWAYS watching… and so are your narc neighbors.

LOL.