Pervy John Adams made a strong case to protect the Brit soldiers accused of murdering a bunch of innocent peeps in the Boston Massacre. He argued that they were acting in self defense and, worst case, they were guilty of only manslaughter.
Just like Hawtie George Washie — whenever we imagine him without a shirt, that man just SLAUGHTERS us!
Anywaysies, only two soldiers were found guilty of manslaughter because evidence showed that they fired directly into the crowd.
And the punishment for this murderous act??? The worst… the most UNBELIEVABLE punishment of them all… the branding of the…
O, the HORROR!!!!!!!
And the plot thickens!
Governor Thomas Hutchinson of mASSholeChusetts had British Captain Thomas Preston and eight of his soldiers arrested for the incidents of March 5th. A town meeting was held at Faneuil Hall where people demanded that the Brits leave Boston and also have Captain Thomas Preston and his men put on trial for murder.
Obvi, no one wanted to defend
a murdering douchebag Cap’n Kill’m Preston, so he had no choice but to beg lawyer John Adams to do the dirty work. In the interest of a fair trial, John Adams surprisingly agreed.
You remember Pervy John Adams, right??? The perv who married his cousin?
This guy is just FULL of shockers!!!
Yayayay! We LURVE babies!!!!!!
Despite all odds, incestuous couple Pervy John Adams and Abby the Animal Adams had a healthy baby girl. While we haven’t seen portraits of the little button yet, we hear she’s been named after mommy and has the loving nickname of “Nabby.”
Awwwwww, Nabby!!!! SO cute for an itty-bitty baby!!
Hope she inherited her momma’s good looks. Poor girl’s going to have trouble if she got daddy’s hawk nose…..
OOOOoooohhhh, gurl, we hope you
do not have scandal written all over these!!!
Mrs. Abigail Adams, wife and cousin of Pervy John Adams, has been writing up a storm and we’ve managed to get our hands on some letters!! And guess which ones are the juiciest?? The letters to Pervy Adams pre-marriage, of course!!
On April 19, 1764 the mixed-signals vixen wrote to him:
"… I think thee, friend; such knowledge as that is easy to be obtained without paying for it.”
Abby ‘The Animal’ Adams totes put him in the friendzone!!!! We love it! And a day later things get REALLY hawt…
“Why may not I visit you days as well as nights? I no sooner close my eyes, than some invisible being, swift as Alborack of Mahomet, bears me to you, — I see you, but cannot make myself visible to you. That tortures me… “
We don’t know what this Alborack of Mahomet is, but it sure sounds seXXXy.
Get it, gurl!!!
OK, so it’s his third cousin, but we still barfed a little!
Lawyer John Adams, almost 29, has wed his third cousin, 19-year-old-ish Abigail Smith. Supposedly, Pervy John Adams was really turned on by
his family member a quiet, young girl who is knowledgeable about philosophy, politics and poetry.
OOooh, the three P’s!
Apparently that’s all it takes to throw all morality outside the carriage window!!
And you won’t BELIEVE what’s inside!
When we heard that Harvard grad John Adams kept a diary
like a little girl, we knew we HAD to get our hands on it!! Luckily, our sources managed to get a copy of his juicy confessions.
Here’s one entry:
“A fair, warm spring like Day. Drank Tea and supped at Mr. Greenes.”
And still another:
"Fair and cold Weather. An extream cold night.”
Omg. U know what this means, don’t U?!!? John Adams is officially the most UNINTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD.
Seriously, though. Where’s all the dirty secrets, love affairs and hard pAArtying????