Run for your lives!!! The Indians are thirsty for more blood!!!!!
France and England are once again fighting for control over America in what is being called “Queen Anne’s War.” The sneaky little French have convinced local Indians to attack Deerfield, mASSachusetts because they’re pissed that the English keep settling in the north. French and Indian forces killed approximately 56 people and kidnapped over 100 in the middle of the night!!!!!
Yeeesh! Thank goodness we sold our vacation home in Deerfield… we could have been KILLED!!!
We hope those who have been kidnapped are returned safely.
DETROIT?? That’s not so bad!
We’re surprised the French didn’t name it something stoopider, like Fort Croissant! LOL.
French officer Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac has erected a fort to keep the British from expanding west and to monopolize on the fur trade. Cadillac was also the commander of Fort de Buade, but it was abandoned a few years ago after conflicts with religious leaders over the trading of alcohol with Indians.
What conflict??? Alcohol never hurt anyone!!
If Jesus’s blood is made from it, it must be good!!!!
Yay! Glad everyone could kiss and make up!
New France and New England along with their respective Indian allies have finally called a truce after years of bloodshed over American territory. They have decided that the land will revert to the “Status quo ante bellum,” which is just a fancy way of saying it will go back to the way things were before the war started.
If everyone’s territory went back to the way it used to be, then that means the war was basically a waste of everyone’s time???
That makes a WHOLE lot of sense!
Since Nantucket sucks at farming, they have copied the local Indians and started whale hunting. Believing they will be able to support themselves off the oil found in whale blubber, Nantucket has employed whaler Ichabod Paddock from Cape Cod. He will teach them the ropes on the proper way to kill whales.
Sorry, but we don’t think there is EVER a “proper” way to kill animals!! Animals are our friends NOT our income.
Sad.
Yuck!! War is dumb!!!!
New France and New England, along with their Indian allies, are fighting for control over American territory. It all started when England’s Indian allies attacked the French near Montreal. In retaliation, the French are planning to attack the English-controlled Albany.
YAWN.
Give us something to work with, people! How about another dose of scandal, affairs and love triangles instead??
Wow, these New Yorkers sure have a WILD imagination!
Wall Street has been built in lower Manhattan along a wall that was built in 1653. As you might recall, the 12-foot wall was built by the Dutch to keep out the Indians and Brits. They are now laying out streets in the area including the ingeniously named Wall Street.
SO clever!! We wonder what they’ll build next.
Maybe Street St.????
Scandalous!!!!
The King of France has recalled the Governor-General of New France, Louis de Buade de Frontenac. The King says that New France has been poorly governed by Louis and he is responsible for jeopardizing France’s fur trade with the Indians because he is only concerned about his own personal profit.
This is EXACTLY why Europe should mind their own business and just let America do what we want! They’re too far away to keep an eye on us anyway!!
Awww. This is adorbs!
The founder of Philadelphia, William Penn, invited the Lenape Indians to a little meeting. Penn just wanted to let them know that he and his peeps had come in peace and were advocates of civil and religious tolerance. They then exchanged presents and now everyone is BFFs.
So inspiring!!!If only EVERYONE treated the Indians with the same respect we’d all be better off.
Do UR part and hug an Indian today!!
Those Indians are always holding out on us!! Why didn’t they tell us about this?!!?
A Catholic Priest, Father Louis Hennepin, travelled with explorer Robert de La Salle to a place we’re calling “Niagara Falls.” They are reporting the waterfalls are over 600 feet in height!!!
Holy cow! We’ve never even seen ANYTHING that big!!!
That sounds like the best bathtub EVER.
Ewwww, that’s just plain nasty!
Indian Chief MetaC, who also goes by the name King Philip and recently provoked a war named in his honor, has been killed. A militia led by Captain Benjamin Church and Captain Josiah Standish tracked down MetaC in Rhode Island where he was fatally shot by an Indian named John Alderman. Ben Church ordered MetaC to be beheaded and quartered.
Alderman gave this eulogy before finishing the act:
“You have made many a man afraid of you. But big as you be, I will now chop you up in little pieces.”
Well said, Alderman!!! MetaC’s head is now on display in Plymouth.
We find it sooo funny that MetaC’s dad, Chief Massasoit Sachem, was famous for being an ally and friend to the colonists.
In this case, the apple fell 50 bazillion miles from the tree!!!
