Learning about other people’s lives… that sounds fun!
John Norton, a hardcore Puritan, has published the first biography in America based on the great Puritan leader John Cotton. Cotton is well-known for his religious influence in New England, turning his back on the banished and outspoken Anne Hutchinson, as well as his banishment of Roger Williams who was first to believe in separating Church and State.
REJOICE!!! There’s such a shortage of religious books and religious people, we were going crazy!!
We can FINALLY stop reading cooking recipes in our spare time!!
OoOoOoh, in yo’ face, Peter Stuyvesant!!!
It’s no secret that Director-General of New Netherland hates the Quakers, but his people can no longer tolerate his stoopid face it! A bunch of citizens have signed the Flushing Remonstrance, which asks exemption from Hawk Face’s ban on Quaker worship.
Fun fact: None of the signers are Quakers themselves!
The petition states:
“Therefore if any of these said persons come in love unto us, we cannot in conscience lay violent hands upon them, but give them free egresse and regresse unto our Town … for we are bounde by the law of God and man to doe good unto all men and evil to noe man.”
Hmmm, brave stuff!!
How do U think Hawk Face will take his citizens’ backlash????
UPDATE: Hawk Face has immediately thrown four signers in jail and two other signers have already recanted. UGH, the nerve!!!!
Our favesies dead Hooker, Thomas Hooker, has had his work published post-mortem. The Application of Redemption doctrine details in over 400 pages how a sinner’s conversion into the arms of God is a lengthy process, not something accomplished overnight.
Over 400 pages of reading and THEN a lengthy conversion????? Thank God we’ve never sinned a day in our life!!!
Ha!
Oooooh, scandalous!!!!!
A Boston man, Captain Kemble, returned home after three years at sea and kissed his wife in public on the Sabbath. This is a BIG no-no, so he was sentenced to sit in the stocks for two hours for his “lewd and unseemly behavior”.
God is ALWAYS watching… and so are your narc neighbors.
LOL.
We smell trouble!
The Protestants have seized control of Maryland again and have repealed the Act that granted Catholics the right to worship.
We don’t get it. Don’t they both love Jesus and God?? What’s the big effing deal???
Just kiss and make up, you drama queens!!!!
Makes sense to us!
Massachusetts has passed another ingenious law, this time forbidding poor people from dressing like they’re rich. So if it looks like you don’t have more than 200 pounds to your name, you can’t wear fancy lace, gold or silk scarves.
Good to know! We almost left our shack wearing our fav pearls!!!
God, what would the neighbors have thought???
For the love of GOD, nooooooo!!!!!
Maryland was all scared because the Protestants seized control of the mostly Catholic colony. The Catholics took back control and wanted to KEEP control. With The Toleration Act, the Protestants have to stop hating on the Catholics by law.
The law grants freedom of worship to Christians who believe in the Trinity of God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. Thankfully, the law doesn’t apply to ALL religions because you can still be executed for not believing the divinity of Jesus or the Trinity.
Ugh, we do NOT like where all this religious freedom stuff is going.
As always, we will pray for your souls.
This is just soooo embarrassing for Maryland.
John Goneere of the Maryland Colony has been convicted of lying under oath.
His punishment is:
“Nayled by both eares to the pillory 3 nailes in each eare and the nailes to be slitt out, and whipped 20 good lashes.”
And he thinks having nails pounded in his ears will hurt, just wait until he meets the wrath of God!!! He’ll be begging for nails!!
HA!
Absolutely deplorable.
A crazy lady from Salem in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, Dorothy Talbye, plead guilty to murdering her three-year-old daughter. Ironically, she was a respected member of the church. She even claimed the reason she murdered her daughter was because God told her to do so.
Um, no you psycho hooker, God would never tell ANYONE to do such a thing!!
We hope she pays for her sickening crime.
UPDATE: Dorothy Talbye has been sentenced to death by hanging. May God have mercy on her soul and keep her daughter far, far away from her in Heaven.
Ewww look at his hawk nose!
Peter Stuyvesant, the guy with the wooden leg, is now Director-General of New Netherland. He replaces his predecessor, Willem Kieft, who got fired for massacring the Indians.
Hawk Face wrote about the new position:
“I shall govern you as a father his children.”
Newsflash, Hawk Face, no one likes their dad!! They’re strict and mean!!! Sounds like SOMEONE has some serious daddy issues.
God save the people of New Netherland.
