R-Wills Separates Church and State

Some people are effing clueless.

Roger Williams, banished from Massachusetts for his “diverse, new and dangerous opinions”, declared that the Providence settlement he founded will have freedom of religion. 

He believes that each individual should be free to follow his or her own religion and that idolatry, Sabbath-breaking, false worship and blasphemy should not be punishable by law.

That’s just great. Before you know it, Satan worshippers will be running naked through the streets on Sundays!

Anne Hutchinson Goes on Trial

image

Uh oh, someone’s been a bad girl!

A super preggers Anne Hutchinson has been put on trial for the charge of “traducing [speaking badly of] the ministers”. She’s been the talk of the town since she left her place in the kitchen to oppose strict religious orthodoxy in Massachusetts and the subordination of fellow women.

She stated during the trial:

"I feare none but the great Jehovah, and I doe verily beleeve that he will deliver me out of our hands, therefore take heed how you proceed against me; for I know that for this you goe about to doe to me, God will ruine you and your posterity, and this whole state.”

Wow, those are some BIG words for such a small woman!

What do U think about Anne Hutchinson's beliefs???

RIP: Sir Anthony van Dyck

Filed under: 1641 > R.I.P. > Sad Sad > Sir Anthony van Dyck > God > 1640s >

Sir Anthony Van Dyck Portrait RIP

Nooooo!! How could this be?? Life is so unfair.

Our beloved Sir Anthony van Dyck has passed away at his home in London after falling gravely ill. King Charles I has erected a monument in his memory.

The monument HIGHlights state:

"Anthony returned to England, and shortly afterwards he died in London, piously rendering his spirit to God as a good Catholic. He was buried in St. Paul’s, to the sadness of the king and court and the universal grief of lovers of painting. For all the riches he had acquired, Anthony van Dyck left little property, having spent everything on living magnificently, more like a prince than a painter.”

He lived like a queen and he died like a queen.

Our thoughts go out to Tony's friends and family during this extremely difficult time. He will be missed.

Massachusetts Makes Slavery Legal

Slavery in America

Truly sickening.

Massachusetts is now the first colony to have passed a law making it legal to own slaves.

They are justifying it based on Biblical authority:

"Which the law of God, established in Israel concerning such people, doth morally require.”

Didn’t they JUST kick Anne Hutchinson out of Massachusetts because she wasn’t religious enough?? And now they think God wants them to OWN other humans?? 

Yuck!

Anne Hutchinson and Family Massacred by Indians

Filed under: 1643 > Indians > Anne Hutchinson > God > R.I.P. > 1640s >

Anne Hutchinson Family Massacre

OMFG.

The Indians rampaged the New Netherland colony where Anne recently moved and scalped her family. The only one spared was Anne's nine-year-old daughter who was taken captive because the Indians are stoopid enough to have believed that her red hair was a sign or something.

Not surprisingly, the news of her murder was pretty much a relief to Boston.

Reverend Mr. Weld wrote:

"The Lord heard our groans to heaven, and freed us from our great and sore affliction… God's hand is the more apparently seen herein, to pick out this woeful woman…”

We hope no one from Boston will be speaking at her funeral!! 

Violence is NEVER the answer.

Tornado Strikes Massachusetts and Kills 1 Indian

Filed under: 1640s > 1643 > God > Indians > Massachusetts > Witches > Unfamous >

tornado weeee

O no, Indians, religious freedom and now tornados?? What’s next — witches?!?!

New England has been hit by its first ever tornado! Thank GOD no one was hurt, but it did kill one unlucky Indian who was smushed dead by a tree that fell over. 

John Winthrop, governor of Massachusetts, described the event:

"There arose a sudden gust so violent for one-half hour as it blew down multitudes of trees. It lifted up their meeting house at Newbury, the people being in it. It darkened the air with dust, yet through God’s great mercy it did no hurt, but only killed one Indian with the fall of a tree.”

Even Mother Nature hates the Indians!!

Whatevs!

OH NO!! Roger Scott Caught Sleeping in Church!!!!!

Filed under: 1640s > 1646 > God > Massachusetts > Unfamous >

sleeping in church van gogh

We do NOT envy him right now!!!!

A man with no class, Roger Scott, was caught SLEEPING in a Massachusetts church and now has to go to trial for his disrespectful behavior.

We bet God is soo pissed right now and we don’t blame Him! And out of all the places in America he chooses a church in Massachusetts to fall asleep in?!? Massachusetts hates when peeps are rude to God!!

Do U think Roger will be sentenced to death for his nap???

Peter Stuyvesant is Director-General of New Netherland

Filed under: 1647 > Peter Stuyvesant > Indians > God > 1640s >

Peter Stuyvesant replaces Williem Kieft as governor of New Amsterdam

Ewww look at his hawk nose!

Peter Stuyvesant, the guy with the wooden leg, is now Director-General of New Netherland. He replaces his predecessor, Willem Kieft, who got fired for massacring the Indians.

Hawk Face wrote about the new position:

"I shall govern you as a father his children."

Newsflash, Hawk Face, no one likes their dad!! They’re strict and mean!!! Sounds like SOMEONE has some serious daddy issues. 

God save the people of New Netherland.

Insane Massachusetts Lady Murders Her Own Daughter

Filed under: 1630s > 1638 > God > Massachusetts > Sad Sad > Unfamous >

God Tells Adam Kill His Children

Absolutely deplorable.

A crazy lady from Salem in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, Dorothy Talbye, plead guilty to murdering her three-year-old daughter. Ironically, she was a respected member of the church. She even claimed the reason she murdered her daughter was because God told her to do so.

Um, no you psycho hooker, God would never tell ANYONE to do such a thing!!

We hope she pays for her sickening crime.


UPDATE
: Dorothy Talbye has been sentenced to death by hanging. May God have mercy on her soul and keep her daughter far, far away from her in Heaven.

John Goneere Sentenced to the Pillory for Perjury!!!

Filed under: 1640s > 1648 > God > Maryland > Unfamous >

John Goneere Perjury

This is just soooo embarrassing for Maryland.

John Goneere of the Maryland Colony has been convicted of lying under oath.

His punishment is:

"Nayled by both eares to the pillory 3 nailes in each eare and the nailes to be slitt out, and whipped 20 good lashes.”

And he thinks having nails pounded in his ears will hurt, just wait until he meets the wrath of God!!! He’ll be begging for nails!!

HA!