Oopsies, did we say douche??? We meant Duché, as in Jacob Duché!
Duché loves his home so much that he even wrote it a love poem describing its natural beauty. He creatively titled it, “Pennsylvania: A Poem.“
Five gold stars, douche Duché!!
A word of advice: When you’re so lonely that you woo Mother Nature, it’s time to leave the house and get laid.
What????
We won’t tell God if you won’t!!!!!
It’s just another day!
LOL, JK… it’s St. Patrick’s Day!!!!!
America has adopted the Irish holiday that commemorates Saint Patrick, a patron saint of Ireland who converted the people to Christianity. On March 17th, St. P-Diddy’s deathday, the people drink, drink, drink until they puke, pray, eat and wear shamrocks. St. P-Diddy is said to have used the green clover to explain the Holy Trinity to non-Christians.
Oh, and did we mention St. P-Diddy WASN’T EVEN IRISH???? He was born and raised in Britain before being kidnapped by the Irish and turned into a slave.
Lovely!
Let’s cheers to that!!
Lordy, Lordy!!! Dirty Jersey actually WANTS to learn???
New Light Presbyterians have founded the institution in order to train ministers. Right now the place of higher learning is in Elizabeth, New Jersey, but we hear it will be moving to Princeton in the next decade.
We don’t know why any holy person would want to live in such a filth hole. This is probably the Devil’s doing!!!
You couldn’t pay us enough to go!!
“Lord, stamp eternity on my eyeballs. @#$%^&*, owww!!! Dayum, Lord, I wasn’t serious!!!!! This is so NOT cool.”
- Jonathan Edwards, Christian preacher and theologian
Hallelujah!!!!!!
One of our FAVE composers (no offense, Bach) has done it again!!!
This time, his amazeballs “Messiah” is rocking churches all over the world. George Frederic Handel composed the masterpiece with the help of his BFF, Charles Jennens, who compiled scriptural text from the Book of Common Prayer and the King James Bible. The text follows the Messiah from his days as a prophet to his eventual resurrection and glorification in Heaven.
Omg, it’s like a musical version of the Bible. GENIUS!
LISTEN TO OUR FAVORITE PART HERE!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO OUR FAVORITE PART HERE!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO OUR FAVORITE PART HERE!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO OUR FAVORITE PART HERE!!!!!!!
“Wife and servant are the same, but only differ in the Name. So no, I won’t make you a God d*mn sandwich.”
- Lady Mary Chudleigh in her poem The Ladies Defense
Either God made a boo-boo not making these QTs brothers or they are seriously destined for a bromance!
The hawt French painter, Hyacinthe Rigaud, painted portraits for both Charles Honoré d’Albert de Luynes (left) and Jean-Paul Bignon (right) during the same year.
That Hyacinthe has some magical fingers. We wonder what else his hands could do…
LOLz!!
We use the word “apology” VERY loosely!!
Ann Putnam, one of the most active accusers in the Salem witch trials, read an apology letter at her church for her involvement in the trials.
She stated in her letter:
“I desire to be humbled before God. It was a great delusion of Satan that deceived me in that sad time. I did not do it out of anger, malice, or ill-will.”
Bitch, please! It’s not an apology if you blame your actions on someone else!!!
Ick!
Hallelujah!!!
Frenchman Elias Naud said the slaves, “who were without God in the world and of whose souls there was no manner of care taken,” needed someone to show them the light of God. He has now opened a school to teach slaves all about the principles of religion.
Ugghhh, why didn’t we think of that??? He’s definitely going to Heaven now!!
Good job, suck up Elias!
Ewwwwww! There’s NOTHING worse than a flip-flopper!!!
The book A Modest Enquiry into the Nature of Witchcraft, written by the now deceased John flip-flopper Hale, has been published. John was one of the most prominent and influential clergymen involved in the 1692 Salem witch trials and was a supporter of persecuting the witches. It seems he apparently changed his mind.
A Modest Enquiry into the Nature of Witchcraft offers a critique of the trials and suggests that the Devil himself is responsible for everything that went down in 1692 and NOT necessarily the “witches.”
Sounds like SOMEONE had a guilty conscious for hanging all those poor innocent witches people!! We hope for his sake that God accepts this pathetic apology!
