Completely Gratuitous

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We normally don’t care for the Frenchies — except for maybe their shoes, baguettes and crepes — but this one fox caught our eye!!

Marie AntoinetteDauphine of France (which is a fancy title for ‘the heir apparent to the throne’), is SMOKIN!

Don’t U agree??? Do U think the peeps of France are going to like their new queen B?

Who Wore it Best?!?!!?

Filed under: 1740s > 1730s > Portrait > Who Wore it Best > France >

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Even those naked babies don’t understand why daddy is wearing a little boys’ outfit!!

In another creepy edition of “Who Wore it Best,” a grown-ass man is dressed up like a little kid. They’re even posing the same!!

Artist Charles Joseph Natoire painted “Portrait of Louis Dauphin of France with a Plan of the Siege of Tournai” (left) in 1747, while William Hogarth painted “William Augustus, Duke of Cumberland” (right) in 1732.

So many guys just REFUSE to grow up these days.

Man up, boys! You can’t stay young forever!!!!

Seven Years’ War Ends with the Treaty of Paris

Good thing we’ve been on the Starvation Diet this week, because we are gonna stuff our faces with crumpets to celebrate!!

In the Treaty of Paris, France had to let go of all its territory on the North American mainland. The British received the land east of the Mississippi, while Spain received everything to the west. France had already secretly given Louisiana to Spain in the Treaty of Fontainebleau.

Au revoir, bitches!! It was nice knowing ya and your fatty macaroons!!!!

Whose peace party are U going to attend???

INTERCEPTED!!! Louisiana Goes Slutty in Top Secret Treaty of Fontainebleau

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Ummmmm, guys. This is bigger than Martha Washington’s hairdo!!!!!!

The Brits kicked France’s booty in The Battle of Signal Hill in 1762, which basically confirmed the Brits as the official controllers of Canada. In the secret treaty that followed this battle, “Treaty of Fontainebleau,” France gives (GASP!) Louisiana to Spain.

France is keeping this land exchange hidden from the Brits because they are sneaky little snakes.

Secrets, secrets are no fun… but they sure make for good gossip!!!!!!!!

LOLOL.

Major George Washington Gets Sassy with the French

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We just LOVE a man in uniform!!!

Major Hottie George Washington was ordered to deliver a letter to the French telling them to GTFO of Ohio because Britain already claimed it. And guess what?? The Frenchies are saying NO!

Now Major Hottie Washington is on a mission to befriend local Indians to gain their human shields support in case the Brits and Frenchies cat fight over Ohio.

Oh, and did we mention he is SINGLE??? But back off, ladies, he’s ours!!!! 

Mrs. Perez Washington… we LOVE it!

LOLz!

Woot Woot!! War of Austrian Succession Ends!

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The big ass war over in Europe (the one that leaked into America with a series of military attacks called King George’s War) has come to an end with the Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle.

The A-L-C stated that Maria Theresa, who sparked the war, only had to give up the territory of Silesia to Prussia. Besides that, everything basically ended in status-quo-ante-bellum or, for those of you who speak English, the normal state of things before the war.

While everyone is pretty happy with this arrangement, the people of France are NOT.

SHOCKER. We thought the French were such happy people!!!! LOL.

Despite Louis XV of France’s victories in the war, he has given up everything he conquered to Austria because he’s happy with the land he already rules. Everyone in Europe thinks this is nice of him, but his own people are PISSED. They feel like they worked hard and got nothing out of it.

Cheer up, France. Go eat a baguette and cry into your champagne… you’ll feel better.

Ha!

Ermahgerd! War in America Over a WOMAN!!!

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Get over it, bb! Women should have equal rights, too!!!!

In Europe, the War of the Austrian Succession started when the Holy Royal Emperor, Charles VI, passed away and his daughter, Maria Theresa, succeeded his place on the throne. France doesn’t believe a woman should be in power, so they’ve been fighting to overthrow her. England, on the other hand, actually has a brain and has been fighting to keep her there. 

Now the war has moved across the Atlantic in a series of military operations being called King George’s WarFrench and English colonies are murdering the crap out of each other, but it’s too soon to tell who is winning.

Who knew France would be SO threatened by a vagina!

What do U think?? Should women be in power?????