Stono Rebellion: Largest Slave Uprising EVER in America

slave rebellion

It was probs originally the “Stoned Rebellion" because the slaves must have been high as kites to go through with this cray-cray uprising!!!

Led by a slave named Jemmy, nicknamed “Cato,” 20 fellow slaves gathered near the Stono River in South Carolina on a Sunday when white people were at church. They marched towards a slave-free Florida with a sign that said “Liberty!”, recruiting more than 80 slaves and killing anyone who tried to stop them along the way. 

South Carolina Lieutenant Governor William NoBullShit wasn’t pleased with Cato’s uprising, so he sent a militia down to stop them. The slaves fought like hell, but the white people killed or captured most of the rebels.

Who knew Florida was full of freedom-loving hippies?????

HMMMmmmm…. our beach house on the Jersey Shore is SO last decade. Maybe we’ll relocate!!!

Hurricane Saves Charles Town, Carolina From Spanish Invasion

Filed under: 1686 > Carolinas > Florida > 1680s >

shipwreck

HA!! 

They may have destroyed Carolina’s Stuart Town, but it looks like Charles Town will be saved!! A hurricane has hit Charles Town in Carolina RIGHT as the Spaniards were going to attack. The bad weather screwed up their plans and most of the ships didn’t make it. Supposedly the main ship was beached and the Spanish general drowned.

Looks like we won’t be traveling to Florida after all!

Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?!!?

Spanish Burn Down Stuart Town in Carolina

Filed under: 1686 > Florida > Carolinas > 1680s >

stuart town burns down!

Jeez, these Spaniards have some serious anger management issues!!

Scotland came ashore Carolina a couple years ago and built Stuart Town. Unfortunately, the town has now been burned to the ground by a bunch of angry Spaniards from Florida

Normally we’re for peace, but this was soooo uncalled for! Our new policy: Eye for an eye!! Let’s organize a ship to Florida and burn their houses down!!

Who’s with us?!?!

Pirates Attack Florida Killing 60!!!

Filed under: 1668 > Pirates > Witches > Florida > 1660s >

pirate killing babies

We have always been ready to fight off witches, but pirates…?!? We are SO not prepared for them!!

There has been a lot of bad blood between the Spanish and the English. Recently, Spanish forces attacked the English settlement of New Providence in the Bahamas. In retaliation, angry English pirates sailed to America’s oldest European settlement, St. Augustine in Florida, and kicked some serious butt. Sixty people have died from the attacks at St. Augustine.

Ugghhh, we don’t even know how to kill a pirate! Do you stab them in the heart with a stake?!?!

Life is just so hard in the New World.