Indians Throw a Hissy Fit And Attack South Carolina

Filed under: 1715 > Indians > South Carolina > Carolinas > 1710s > Slavery >

indians

Omg, can someone lend these Indians a tampon already????

The PMSing Yamasee Indians have complained forever that their new white neighbors have been trading unfairly. Fair or not, the YamaPEE have racked up some serious debt and owe the people of Charles Town tons of money. As payment, the settlers have kidnapped and sold YamaPEE women and children into slavery. This made the YamaPEE really pissed, so they’re killing every white person in sight.

If trading was so unfair, why did they keep doing it??? Weren’t they perfectly happy with what they had before the settlers got there???

They really just can’t control themselves. 

More War With Indians in Northern Carolina

Filed under: 1711 > Indians > Carolinas > 1710s >

indians drama queens

Indians are such drama queens!!!! 

After fifty years of peace, Northern Carolina has been at war with the Southern Tuscarora Indians. The Southern Tuscarora Indians are pissed that the European settlers introduced so many diseases to their area, encroached on their land and sold their people into slavery

Funny enough, it was actually the Northern Tuscarora Indian chief who captured the Southern Tuscarora Indian chief that ended the war. The English have now offered the Northern Tuscarora Indian chief total control over the Tuscarora Indians.

If we can get the Indians to turn on their own people, we hope they don’t get us to turn on each other next!!!

Scary.

Guess Which Morons FAILED to Capture Charles Town??

Filed under: 1706 > Carolinas > 1700s >

french man

The French and Spanish, that’s who!

The losers recently teamed up to capture the capitol of the English Province of Carolina. To their dismay, the ship “Brilliant,” which carried a lot of the guns, ammo and even the land commander himself, got separated from the rest of the fleet when it decided to chase after a sailboat. That sailboat was never caught and, consequently, went back to warn the governor of Carolina of the coming attack. 

After landing on the Carolina shore, everyone fought a little bit but the intruders eventually fled. The Brilliant showed up a day later, unaware their BFFs fled, and most of the crew were captured and sold into slavery.

Why would they chase a pathetic sailboat if they were planning on seizing a whole capitol????

Guess they aren’t so “Briliant" after all. HA!

Hurricane Saves Charles Town, Carolina From Spanish Invasion

Filed under: 1686 > Carolinas > Florida > 1680s >

shipwreck

HA!! 

They may have destroyed Carolina’s Stuart Town, but it looks like Charles Town will be saved!! A hurricane has hit Charles Town in Carolina RIGHT as the Spaniards were going to attack. The bad weather screwed up their plans and most of the ships didn’t make it. Supposedly the main ship was beached and the Spanish general drowned.

Looks like we won’t be traveling to Florida after all!

Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?!!?

Spanish Burn Down Stuart Town in Carolina

Filed under: 1686 > Florida > Carolinas > 1680s >

stuart town burns down!

Jeez, these Spaniards have some serious anger management issues!!

Scotland came ashore Carolina a couple years ago and built Stuart Town. Unfortunately, the town has now been burned to the ground by a bunch of angry Spaniards from Florida

Normally we’re for peace, but this was soooo uncalled for! Our new policy: Eye for an eye!! Let’s organize a ship to Florida and burn their houses down!!

Who’s with us?!?!

King Charles II Gives Carolina to EIGHT Different Dudes

Filed under: 1663 > Carolinas > King Charles II > 1660s >

king charles ii

We smell a recipe for DISASTER.

In return for their loyalty and efforts to restore the King to his throne while the monarchy was overthrown in EnglandKing Charles II is rewarding the loyal men by giving them the land of Carolina. They have each been named a “Lord Proprietor,” a title which allows the men to govern with as much independence as the King himself. 

Ohhhh, right, because the older men get the more likely they are to share.

Ha!