Remember how John cockbLocke was a “live-in doctor” for one of the eight Lord Proprietors of Carolina, Anthony Ashley Cooper, 1st Earl of Shaftesbury??

Well now Tony Cooper’s ”doctor” has become his bitch “secretary.” CockbLocke supposedly had a big hand in crafting the new Fundamental Constitutions of Carolina, which is a blend of both liberal and feudalist ideas. One important note: While the new constitution provides for religious tolerance, it also gives complete power to an owner over his slave.

That’s funny, our sources tells us cockbLocke is AGAINST slavery. Now he’s writing about how slaves can be 100% owned by their masters??????

Either he’s a TOTAL hypocrite or this is part of some weird sex fetish where cockbLocke wants to be legally owned by his master, Tony Cooper.

We’re going to assume the latter. Ha!!

Gasp! Who does this jerk think he is?!?!

Our big crush of the 1660s, Anthony Ashley Cooper, 1st Earl of Shaftesbury (left), has invited a man, John Locke (right), to live with him. Tony Cooper is one of the Lord Proprieters of Carolina and, more importantly, our one true love.

What??? He is!!! It must be a divine sign that he’s the Earl of a place called “Shaftesbury!”

Tony was being treated for a liver infection when he met John cockbLocke, who he was so impressed with that he invited him to move in as his “personal physician.” 

PUH-LEASE, Tony, we’ve heard THAT one before. Just admit it, you’re in lurve!!! 

We’ll be here when you get bored of your little boytoy and come looking for a REAL man.