Music Minute: Handel Composes ‘Messiah’

Filed under: 1741 > Music Minute > Bible > God > Handel > 1740s >

handel

Hallelujah!!!!!!

One of our FAVE composers (no offense, Bach) has done it again!!!

This time, his amazeballs “Messiah" is rocking churches all over the world. George Frederic Handel composed the masterpiece with the help of his BFF, Charles Jennens, who compiled scriptural text from the Book of Common Prayer and the King James Bible. The text follows the Messiah from his days as a prophet to his eventual resurrection and glorification in Heaven.

Omg, it’s like a musical version of the Bible. GENIUS!

LISTEN TO OUR FAVORITE PART HERE!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO OUR FAVORITE PART HERE!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO OUR FAVORITE PART HERE!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO OUR FAVORITE PART HERE!!!!!!!

BJ Franky Franks Heats Up With New Invention

Filed under: 1741 > Benjamin Franklin > 1740s >

franklin stove

Boyfriend knows how to get shiz done!

Benjamin Franklin’sFranklin Stove" has a hooded front and an airbox in the back, which allows for more efficient fire. It uses a quarter of firewood and produces twice as much heat. We hear he’s been approached to patent the invention, but he turned it down because he wants everyone to benefit from it without making a profit.

WTF??? Who turns down money???

Maybe he just made the stove to burn evidence of more extramarital affairs.

Ha!

Portrait Hall of Shame!!!!!!

Ewwwwwwww, naked girls!!!! 

François Boucher, a pervert Frenchman fond of the Rococo style, has painted, “Diana leaving her Bath” (above).

People seem to really like this painting, but we don’t get it! Why is Diana bathing in the woods like a homeless person??? And why is that other girl watching????

YUCK!!! We just vomited in our mouths!!!

CLICK HERE to check out the uncensored and NSFW portrait!!!!
CLICK HERE to check out the uncensored and NSFW portrait!!!!
CLICK HERE to check out the uncensored and NSFW portrait!!!!
CLICK HERE to check out the uncensored and NSFW portrait!!!!

Boston’s Faneuil Hall Opens to the Public

faneuil hall

We better get the horses ready, cuz we want to see this in the flesh!!

After years of talking about it, Boston has opened a public marketplace donated by wealthy resident Peter Faneuil. Artist John Smibert built Faneuil Hall in the style of an English country market, with the first floor as a market and second floor as an assembly room. 

Our sources claim that most mASSholes didn’t even want the market and it barely gained a majority vote!!!

Morons. Don’t they know - the more places to shop, the better!!!

Ermahgerd! War in America Over a WOMAN!!!

maria theresa

Get over it, bb! Women should have equal rights, too!!!!

In Europe, the War of the Austrian Succession started when the Holy Royal Emperor, Charles VI, passed away and his daughter, Maria Theresa, succeeded his place on the throne. France doesn’t believe a woman should be in power, so they’ve been fighting to overthrow her. England, on the other hand, actually has a brain and has been fighting to keep her there. 

Now the war has moved across the Atlantic in a series of military operations being called King George’s WarFrench and English colonies are murdering the crap out of each other, but it’s too soon to tell who is winning.

Who knew France would be SO threatened by a vagina!

What do U think?? Should women be in power?????

Who Wore it Best?!?!!?

imagejean marc nattier

These trained models even make animal fur look innocent! Amazeballs!!!

Artist Jean-Marc Nattier painted both of these models as Diana, the Roman goddess of hunting. 

Hunting hearts, probably! LOLz.

We love that Madame Bouret (bottom) is smiling with her eyes, but we can’t stop looking at Mary Adelaide’s (top) elegant hands.

Who do U think wore it best?!!?

Quote of the Day

Filed under: God > Quote of the Day > 1740s >

"Lord, stamp eternity on my eyeballs. @#$%^&*, owww!!! Dayum, Lord, I wasn’t serious!!!!! This is so NOT cool.

- Jonathan Edwards, Christian preacher and theologian

The College of New Jersey AKA Princeton Founded

Filed under: 1740s > 1746 > God > Ivy League > New Jersey > Princeton > Education >

princeton

Lordy, Lordy!!! Dirty Jersey actually WANTS to learn??? 

New Light Presbyterians have founded the institution in order to train ministers. Right now the place of higher learning is in Elizabeth, New Jersey, but we hear it will be moving to Princeton in the next decade.

We don’t know why any holy person would want to live in such a filth hole. This is probably the Devil’s doing!!!

You couldn’t pay us enough to go!!

Woot Woot!! War of Austrian Succession Ends!

war of austrian succession

The big ass war over in Europe (the one that leaked into America with a series of military attacks called King George’s War) has come to an end with the Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle.

The A-L-C stated that Maria Theresa, who sparked the war, only had to give up the territory of Silesia to Prussia. Besides that, everything basically ended in status-quo-ante-bellum or, for those of you who speak English, the normal state of things before the war.

While everyone is pretty happy with this arrangement, the people of France are NOT.

SHOCKER. We thought the French were such happy people!!!! LOL.

Despite Louis XV of France’s victories in the war, he has given up everything he conquered to Austria because he’s happy with the land he already rules. Everyone in Europe thinks this is nice of him, but his own people are PISSED. They feel like they worked hard and got nothing out of it.

Cheer up, France. Go eat a baguette and cry into your champagne… you’ll feel better.

Ha!

Samuel Adams, Beer Maker, Rides Daddy’s Coattails into Public Office

Filed under: 1747 > 1740s > Samuel Adams > Boston > Massachusetts >

samuel adams

WARNING! This MASShole is a serious HAWT mess alert!!!!

Drunky Adam’s daddy is a very important Boston political figure who is heavily involved in an organization called the Boston Caucus. With the Boston Caucus’s backing, Drunky Adams landed a job as a clerk in the Boston market. 

Before daddy got him the sweet gig, our sources say that Drunky Adams lost all the money his daddy loaned him and, after that FAIL, began working as a partner in the family’s malthouse. 

So, just to recap, Drunky Adams squandered away his money, made a ton of beer, and now has a job in politics because of daddy???

Sounds like a true American to us!!!