A River Ferry Leads to Drama!!!

Filed under: 1730 > Maryland > Pennsylvania > 1730s >

wrights ferry

Weirder things have happened!

Pennsylvania and Maryland have been bitching over a border dispute for years. It started when The Pennsylvania Charter of 1681 laid out some boundaries that were apparently inaccurate, so Maryland’s been fighting it ever since.

When John Wright made a ferry to cross the Susquehanna River this year, Pennsylvanians started inhabiting the disputed land. To challenge Wright, a Maryland guy named Thomas Cresap built his own ferry nearby. Maryland granted Cresap ownership over the disputed land and he’s making everyone living there pay up. 

The disputed territory is only a 28 mile strip. 

These selfish bitches need to learn some manners and share!

Benjamin Franklin Has an Illegitimate Son?!?!?

benjamin franklin illegitimate son

THE HORROR!!!!!

Our beloved BJ Franky Franks has knocked up a ho outside of his common-law marriage to Deborah Reed. No one has said who the real baby mama is, but rumor has it that she’s of MUCH lower class. Supposedly BJ Franky Franks will be raising the child with his real wifey. They are naming the bastard William.

Oooooh, Debbie must be soo pissed!!!! How can she help raise another woman’s baby?!?

This news will DEFINITELY ruin his reputation in America. 

Colony of Georgia Established Because of Prisoners

Filed under: 1732 > Georgia > Indians > 1730s >

james oglethorpe

Sounds funny but it’s the truth!

Founder of Georgia, QT James Oglethorpe, chaired a parliamentary committee in England on prison reform. James believed that when prisoners were released they were left poor or resorted to illegal activity because they could not find work. This was a direct result of urbanization, which had destroyed ample work opportunity in the countryside.

To remedy this, James and his committee petitioned to form Georgia in America, where everyone will get equal land and no one can gain more by purchasing it or through inheritance.

The more, the merrier! Welcome to America, Georgia!!!

Quote of the Day

Filed under: History > LOL > Quote of the Day > 1733 > 1730s >

voltaire

“History is nothing more than a tableau of awesomeness, sex, scandal, crimes and misfortunes.”

- Voltaire

Bill Cosby Sues John Peter Zenger for Libel

bill fuckin cosby
It’s the trial of the century!!!! FYI, in our most recent 1730s dictionary, libel is defined as:

"Published information that opposes the government."

Anyway, JP Zenger printed a publication in the New York Weekly Journal that accused the NY royal governor, William S. Cosby, of rigging elections and other crimes. Even though JP Zenger only published the accusations and didn’t actually write them, he won’t reveal the actual authors.

Now Bill Cosby is taking JP to court and the most famous, seski lawyer in all of the American colonies, Andrew Hamilton, will be defending JP!!!!

We will SOOO keep you updated on what’s to come!!!!

Freedom of Press in America?!? Zenger Found NOT Guilty!!

Filed under: 1730s > 1735 > Laws > New York > Trial of Peter Zenger >

unicorn hugger

Holy smokes, we did NOT see that coming!!!

John Peter Zenger was found not guilty by a jury after being accused of publishing articles that attacked the government. The jury declared his innocence after lawyer Andrew Hamilton proved the allegations to be true.

Basically, this means that you can print whatever horrible nasty things you want about the government as long as it’s true! We bet Bill Cosby and other top dogs are FUMING over this news.

Yay, we can finally call everyone in power a total whorebag idiot and not have to worry about going to jail!!!!

Benny Frank Franks Creates Volunteer Fire Department

benjamin franklin fire

Thank GOD he can put out a fire, because this pic of Benjamin Franklin is burning us up!!!

Benny Frank Franks helped form the Union Fire Company in Philadelphia. This came about after he and others pointed out in his newspaper, The Pennsylvania Gazette, that there should be a better way to handle local fires. Each member of the fire department pays for his own fire fighting equipment, including buckets and bags, that they have to bring to each fire.

Philanthropy is just soooooo in these days. 

Do U think Benny looks good in uniform???

How Far Did One Man Go to Steal From the Indians?

Filed under: 1737 > Pennsylvania > William Penn > 1730s > Indians >

penis pennsyalvania

70 miles to be exact!!! 

William Penn’s heirs found an old deed from the Lenape indians that promised land starting from the Delaware River to “as far west as a man could walk in a day and a half.”

The sneaky devils then got the three fastest runners and had them “walk” for a day and a half so the Penn family could get as much land as possible. One guy covered 70 miles, resulting in 1,200,000 acres!!!!

Dayum!!! The Lenape must be soooooooo mad.

The’re probably casting crazy indian spells on that speed walker right now!

What the What?! Wallpaper is the New Tapestry!!!!!

wallpaper

Oh. Em. Gee.

Bet you didn’t see THIS coming!

We’re not sure if you noticed, but wallpaper seems to be ALL the rage these days. It is now replacing the iconic fashion choice of tapestries.

Ugh, we just finished re-doing Theodore Hamilton’s dog house but I guess now we’ll have to update it with wallpaper. There are just SO many different types to choose from!

Will U be buying wallpaper this season??

Stono Rebellion: Largest Slave Uprising EVER in America

slave rebellion

It was probs originally the “Stoned Rebellion" because the slaves must have been high as kites to go through with this cray-cray uprising!!!

Led by a slave named Jemmy, nicknamed “Cato,” 20 fellow slaves gathered near the Stono River in South Carolina on a Sunday when white people were at church. They marched towards a slave-free Florida with a sign that said “Liberty!”, recruiting more than 80 slaves and killing anyone who tried to stop them along the way. 

South Carolina Lieutenant Governor William NoBullShit wasn’t pleased with Cato’s uprising, so he sent a militia down to stop them. The slaves fought like hell, but the white people killed or captured most of the rebels.

Who knew Florida was full of freedom-loving hippies?????

HMMMmmmm…. our beach house on the Jersey Shore is SO last decade. Maybe we’ll relocate!!!