More War With Indians in Northern Carolina

Filed under: 1711 > Indians > Carolinas > 1710s >

indians drama queens

Indians are such drama queens!!!! 

After fifty years of peace, Northern Carolina has been at war with the Southern Tuscarora Indians. The Southern Tuscarora Indians are pissed that the European settlers introduced so many diseases to their area, encroached on their land and sold their people into slavery

Funny enough, it was actually the Northern Tuscarora Indian chief who captured the Southern Tuscarora Indian chief that ended the war. The English have now offered the Northern Tuscarora Indian chief total control over the Tuscarora Indians.

If we can get the Indians to turn on their own people, we hope they don’t get us to turn on each other next!!!

Scary.

NY Governor Tells Germans to GTFO

Filed under: 1712 > New York > Pirates > 1710s >

perez hamilton go home germans

Rude.

If the Germans’ lives already didn’t suck enough fleeing Europe because the bratty French kept attacking them, now they’ve discovered that America doesn’t want them either. New York governor Robert Hunter is spreading word that the ministry of London doesn’t care about their welfare, that Robert himself has no money to help and from now on they are on their own without protection.

Sucks to be them! Maybe they should just turn back around and make peace with France.

Just think of the two month return trip as a luxurious cruise. Only instead of luxury, the cruise would be filled with disease, famine and the threat of pirates!!

William Penn’s Wife is Committing SHADY Crimes

Filed under: 1710s > 1712 > Pennsylvania > Quakers > William Penn >

william penn

MMMmmmm, gurl!!! We do NOT like the sound of this!!

Quaker hippie William Penn, best known for founding the Province of Pennsylvania, has been struck with some nasty brain problem that has rendered him incapable of talking or taking care of himself. Since then his wifey, Hannah, is said to be signing important Pennsylvania documents on the vegetable’s William Penn’s behalf.

Sooooooooo sketchy!!! If he can’t communicate what he wants, then it’s definitely illegal for her to sign things for him!!!!!

Do U think it’s okay that William Penn’s wifey is signing important documents without his permission??

Boston Family Captures Spanish Treasure Ship

Filed under: 1710s > 1713 > Massachusetts > Unfamous >

spanish ship

Lucky bitches!

Boston’s Quincy Family have captured a Spanish ship that is “worth the better part of an hundred thousand pounds sterling.”

If that amount of money can’t buy happiness, you have some serious problems!!!!!

What would U do with all that money??

Listen to Up & Coming Composer Johann Sebastian Bach HERE!!!

Filed under: 1713 > Music Minute > 1710s >

johanna sebastian bach

We seriously can’t get enough!!!!

German composer Johann Sebastian Bach has been living in Weimar composing the shiz out of some AMAZEBALL pieces. The one we are most obsessed with is Toccata and Fugue in D minor, BWV 565, a spooky organ piece that chills us to the bone!!

Listen to it HERE!!!!!
Listen to it HERE!!!!!
Listen to it HERE!!!!!
Listen to it HERE!!!!!

Sex God Queen Anne Has Passed Away

Filed under: 1710s > 1714 > R.I.P. > Royals > Queen Anne >

queen anne dead

So unbelievably sad.

After getting seriously ill and suffering a stroke, Queenie Annie has died at 49 years old. The official cause of death is said to be the result of an infection. She will be buried in Westminster Abbey beside her husband and children.

Even though she was preggers 17 times, none of her kids survived her. George I of the House of Hanover, Anne’s second cousin, will reign as King.

That little slut was having a lot of sex to get sperminated 17 times!!! May she have lots of little angel babies in Heaven.

RIP.

America Gets Tea Bagged!!!!

Filed under: 1710s > 1714 > Wacky Tacky and True >

america tea bagged

And those hard workers deserve it!!

Even though hot chocolate is the non-alcoholic drink of choice, tea has officially hit the American shores. We can’t believe how long it took to cross the Atlantic, because tea has been popular in England for well over 100 years now.

Guess all good things come to those who wait.

Indians Throw a Hissy Fit And Attack South Carolina

Filed under: 1715 > Indians > South Carolina > Carolinas > 1710s > Slavery >

indians

Omg, can someone lend these Indians a tampon already????

The PMSing Yamasee Indians have complained forever that their new white neighbors have been trading unfairly. Fair or not, the YamaPEE have racked up some serious debt and owe the people of Charles Town tons of money. As payment, the settlers have kidnapped and sold YamaPEE women and children into slavery. This made the YamaPEE really pissed, so they’re killing every white person in sight.

If trading was so unfair, why did they keep doing it??? Weren’t they perfectly happy with what they had before the settlers got there???

They really just can’t control themselves. 

Pirate Named Blackbeard Terrorizes the Waters

Filed under: 1710s > 1716 > Pirates > Blackbeard >

blackbearch perez hamilton

Ummm, who told him “Blackbeard" was a badass name?? It just makes us think of a fugly homeless guy!! Ew!

Blackbeard, also known by his real sissy name Edward Teach, has been ambushing ships all over the Atlantic Ocean and Caribbean Sea. Supposedly, Blackbeard and his crew put up a flag of the same nationality as the ship they’re about to raid so they appear friendly when they come closer. Then, like total D-bags, they throw up their pirate flag at the last possible second and hop aboard to steal gold, silver, jewelry and rum.

Free jewelry and alcohol?!?! We’re starting to think we went into the wrong profession!

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for us! LOL.

Move Over, Bach!!! We Can’t Even Handle Handel!!!

Filed under: 1710s > 1717 > Music Minute > Royals > Handel >

handel and the king

We’d like to wrap our hands around that Handel and drink him up!!!!!!!

George Frideric Handel blew our f*cking minds with his Water Music orchestral movements that he played for the new King George I and all his BFFs.

We heard a rumor that he composed Water Music specifically for the King to get on his good side because he screwed him over back in the day. The story goes that before he was king, George had employed Handel in Hanover, but Handel ditched the gig to move to London.

The King better forgive him! We need more Handel!!!

LISTEN TO THE BEST PART HERE!!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO THE BEST PART HERE!!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO THE BEST PART HERE!!!!!!!!
LISTEN TO THE BEST PART HERE!!!!!!!!