First Kosher Butcher in America

Filed under: 1660 > 1660s > Indians > Jews > Firsts >

kosher diet

We’ve been hearing all about this trendy new “Kosher" diet.

Now we can actually try it!!!!!!

A Jew by the name of Asser Levy is now the first Kosher butcher in America. His shop is in New Amsterdam along that street with the really big wall (constructed to defend from the Dutch and the Indians).

This is a big step for the Jews, having their own butcher and all!

We’ll try anything if it makes us skinny!!!

WARNING: Cuteness Overload

creepy baby with hearts

ridiculous dog

We’re in lurve!!!!!

Ch-ch-check out this simply ADORBS painting (above) of a little kid and pooch, painted by Diego Rodriguez de are you even reading this long name still Silva y Velazquez.

Just look at that little puppy smile!!

We should breed Teddy Hamilton with this pooch…


Sir William Berkeley Comes Out of Retirement for Virginia

Filed under: 1660 > Virginia > Sir William Berkeley > 1660s >

Sir William Berkeley

Out with the old and in with the…. old?!?!

An old fart Sir William Berkeley has come out of retirement to resume his role as governor of Virginia after governor Samuel Matthews keeled over. We’ve been hearing that SWB is a “favorite” of the former King Charles I

Oooh, a King’s pet. We likey!! He seems to have done a pretty good job in his first term, but he’s getting old now. 

Do U think SWB will eff up his second term?

New BFF Alert: Lord Baltimore + King Charles II

lord baltimore

Well, the Protestants may have won the Maryland civil war, but that doesn’t mean shiz now!

The Commonwealth of England has been dissolved and King Charles II has returned to his rightful position as the King of England. Of course, King Charles II won’t allow some bratty Protestant to rule his colony of Maryland, so he’s restored all the power back to the Roman Catholic Lord Baltimore.

Aw. Happy endings ALWAYS make us cry!

Navigation Act: 3/4 Crew MUST Be English

Filed under: 1660 > Laws > Navigation Acts > 1660s >

Pirate Arrrr

Just one look at their teeth will tell you who’s REALLY English. Ha!

King Charles II is still a little sensitive that his monarchy was recently overthrown, so he’s doing everything in his power to strengthen the monarchy and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

As part of this effort he has amended The Navigation Act of 1651. Now all ships doing trade must be three-quarters English and all products NOT produced by the mother country (like cotton, tobacco and sugar) can ONLY be shipped from the colonies to England or other English colonies.

We understand that he’s feeling a little embarrassed by the whole overthrown thing, but this is a little extreme.

What do U think about the new addition to The Navigation Act???

Martyr Mary Dyer Hanged in Boston

Mary Dyer Quaker hanged

Sooooooo lame!

To defy the anti-Quaker law in Massachusetts, Mary Dyer returned to Massachusetts where she was banned along with Anne Hutchinson 22 years earlier.  When she was caught for being a Quaker, and therefore breaking the law, she was given an ultimatum: repent and be banished again or don’t repent and be hanged. She chose the latter.

She is among three people hanged so far in Boston for being a Quaker. A fourth, William Leddra, is said to be next.

Mary’s body is buried in an unmarked grave.

Sad sad.

King Charles II Fed Up With Colonists Killing Quakers

charles ii mad for killing quakers

It’s about time someone noticed!!

King Charles II in England is shocked that Massachusettshas been killing Quakers left and right. The King has officially forbid Massachusetts from executing any more Quakers and he’s ordering that all imprisoned Quakers be released. 

Aw, that was nice of him! This makes us actually MISS having the watchful eye of the monarchy close by!!

Well, maybe only a little bit. LOLz.

America’s First Bible Written in Indian Language

Filed under: 1661 > God > Indians > John Eliot > 1660s > Firsts >

confused indians watching pilgrim guy

Well that was a waste of ink!!! They probably can’t even read their own language!

John Eliot, a Puritan missionary to the Indians, translated the New Testament so the Indians could be saved. It is now the first published Bible in America. It’s rumored the Old Testament will be published within the next couples years. 

You know what they say — you can’t teach an old Indian new religion.

Lord Baltimore Appoints His Son Governor of Maryland

Filed under: 1660s > 1661 > Maryland > Lord Baltimore >

lord baltimore's son is a whiny bitch

Nope, no bias here! We’re sure Lord Baltimore's 24-year-old son is probably very capable to govern a colony. Ha!!

In the most ridiculous appointment of the century, the proprietor of Maryland, Lord Baltimore, has decided his son Charles would be the best pick for deputy governor of his colony — even though the coattail riding brat lives in England. Charles is on his way across the Atlantic now to serve daddy.

He will probably throw a bunch of colonial pAArties and be fired in no time. 

Save us a beer, Chuck!!!

Man Banished to Holland But Doesn’t Speak Dutch

Filed under: 1660s > 1662 > Peter Stuyvesant > Unfamous >

Peter Stuyvesant and John Bowne

OMG, is this for real????

John Bowne was arrested on the orders of Peter Stuyvesant, the governor of New Netherland, for hosting a Quaker meeting at his house. Hawk Face was mad because John refused to pay a fine for his actions, so Hawky deported him to Holland even though John is of English descent and speaks no Dutch.

We know we shouldn’t laugh but this is TOO funny. Poor John will never be able to learn that funny language! 

Ick Eh Noodle Der Stoodle Schluk Kook Schlag!!!!!!!!

That doesn’t mean anything but, then again, the Dutch language is probably all gibberish too!! LOL!