Say it Ain’t So! Connecticut Legalizes Slavery!!

slave for sale

You’d think America, a place of refuge for the suppressed, would be the first to realize slavery is wrong.

Connecticut joins Massachusetts in the disgusting trend of making slavery legal. 

We don’t understand why they can’t get off their lazy asses and do their own chores!!! Momma Perez would NEVER let us get away with it!

If only we could give Massachusetts and Connecticuta big, BIG spanking.

England Cuts Off Virginia for Pissing Them Off!!

Filed under: 1650 > Virginia > 1650s >

Virginia Blockade By England

Who didn’t see that coming???

After declaring allegiance to the House of Stuart (the family of King Charles I & II) instead of the new republican Commonwealth, England has decided to blockade Virginia.

We wonder how quickly Virginia will shift their loyalties once they’re out of supplies!

Sometimes it’s better to suck it up and tell England what they want to hear.

Double Take: Who Wore it Best?

Pope Innocent X and Cardinal Camillo Astalli Who Wore It Best

Red seems to be all the rage these days!

Artist Diego Velázquez painted Cardinal Camillo Astalli (left) AND Pope Innocent X (right) recently. Both subjects showed up wearing matching outfits and hats!! 

So, what do U guys think?

Who wore it best?!?

First Woman Poet Published in America

Filed under: 1650 > Books > Massachusetts > 1650s >

Anne Bradstreet

And she’s not all that bad!

A collection of poems by Anne Bradstreet of Massachusetts has been published in a book called The Tenth Muse Lately Sprung Up in America.

Ch-ch-check out a line from one of her poems (below):

"Triumph I shall, o’re Sin, o’re Death, o’re Hell,
And in that hope, I bid you all farewell.”

Wow, we’re shocked Massachusetts let a woman write about, well, anything.

Gurl power!!!

Massachusetts Law: Poor People Should Dress Like They’re Poor

Filed under: 1651 > Massachusetts > God > 1650s >

baby needs to be arrested

Makes sense to us!

Massachusetts has passed another ingenious law, this time forbidding poor people from dressing like they’re rich. So if it looks like you don’t have more than 200 pounds to your name, you can’t wear fancy lace, gold or silk scarves.

Good to know! We almost left our shack wearing our fav pearls!!!

God, what would the neighbors have thought???

Portrait Hall of Fame

Filed under: 1651 > Portrait > Portrait Hall of Fame > LOL > 1650s >

David Bailly with laser eyes

Um, wut.  ????

This is a self-portrait of the Dutch artist David Bailly. Supposedly this is classic example of “vanitas” art, which uses weird objects likes skulls to represent the meaninglessness of life and vanity.

Wow Dave, this was a REALLY uplifting picture of you.

Excuse us while we go cut ourselves and contemplate our mortality.

Rhode Island Says “No Way Jose” to Slavery!!!!

Filed under: 1652 > Slavery > Rhode Island > 1650s >

rhode island abolishes slavery

We always knew they’d get along!

Unlike the other stoopid and selfish colonies in America, Rhode Island has passed a law making slavery illegal. 

Holy shiz! We really, really hope other colonies can learn from this amazeballs law.


UPDATE: It’s being reported that this law has NOT been enforced. In fact, we hear that Rhode Island now has more slaves than any other colony in America. So sad.

Want to Make it Rain??????

Filed under: 1652 > 1650s >

First coinage in america

Well now you can, sluts!!!

John Hull, elected mintmaster, with the help of Robert Sanderson, an accomplished silversmith, have created the first form of currency in America. 

We just LOVE the tree idea. Soo Mother Earthy!

Supposedly Johnny cut a HIGHlariously good deal from the Brits and gets 15 pence for every 20 shillings!! He is well on his way to becoming the richest man in America!!!

But the real question is, is he single????????

A Black Man Buys White Servants

Filed under: 1650s > 1652 > Slavery > Virginia > Unfamous >

indentured servants

This should be interesting…

In Virginia, if you buy an indentured servant (a peep who works in exchange for lodging, food and clothing) you are given 50 acres of land.

Well one clever free black, John Johnson, just took advantage of that because he just bought 11 white indentured servants. If our math is correct, that’s 550 acres!!!!

We guess he’s building a reverse plantation with all that land!!

Work those whities to the ground, Johnny!

WTF??? Massachusetts Says “No” to War!

Filed under: 1653 > Massachusetts > 1650s >

We can’t believe Massachusetts actually used their brains for once.

Remember when England got mad at the Dutch?? Well now England has declared war on them. In response, the New England Confederation has supported England by declaring war on the Dutch colonists of America, but Massachusetts doesn’t think it’s a good idea.

Well it isn’t!!!! Ugh, if only more people saw the world through our eyes. Everything would be SO much better. And prettier.

We hope the Dutch can run in their wooden shoes because they better get the hell outta there!!