SWR Found Guilty

Say it ain’t so!

Our boyfriend, Sir Walter Raleigh (who plans to colonize the New World), has been thrown into the notorious Tower of London for his alleged involvement in the plotting against King James I. Although he was found guilty, his life has thankfully been spared. The plot to overthrow the King is said to have been funded by Spain.

Tsk tsk, we thought you were better than that. Get your act together, bb!

Indian Chief’s Daughter Risks Life to Save White Boy, John Smith

pocahontas saving john smith

We can smell this drama queen all the way from England!!

English colonist Captain John Smith was captured by local Indians and sentenced to death by the Indian chief, Powhatan. The chief’s daughter, PocaHOntas, thought daddy was being unfair and laid her life on the line to prove it.

The scene was described as:

"Two great stones were brought before Powhatan: then as many as could layd hands on him [Smith], dragged him to them, and thereon laid his head, and being ready with their clubs, to beate out his braines, PocaHOntas the Kings dearest daughter, when no intreaty could prevaile, got his head in her armes, and laid her owne upon his to save him from death …” 

Is she that desperate to get daddy’s attention that she would risk her life????

C’mon, bb! Have more respect for yourself!!

Godspeed to the New World!

Filed under: 1607 > Jamestown > King James I > New World > 1600s >

Wow. After the disaster that happened at Roanoke, we hope those ships are carrying plenty of guns!

The Company of London, started by King James I to set up colonization in the New World, has launched its first expedition. Three ships, Godspeed, Discovery and Susan Constant, carrying 144 men and boys have arrived in the New World to start a new settlement.

Godspeed, Discovery and… Susan Constant?? Who came up with that stupid name?

Apparently the new settlement will be called Jamestown after the King himself. It better be, or he’ll throw all 144 of your asses in the Tower of London!

Send us a postcard!!

Completely Gratuitous

Oooh, Sir Walter Raleigh, why must you be so yummy??

We’d steer his ship any day of the week! LOL!!!

Local Indians Attack New Settlement

Filed under: 1607 > Indians > Jamestown > New World > 1600s >

Someone needs to teach these Savages some manners!!

200 Indians attacked Jamestown killing two and wounding ten. The President of Jamestown has ordered that they strengthen the fort and arm the people to help prevent any harm in future attacks.

Sources say:

“Hereupon the President was contented the Fort should be pallisadoed, the ordinance mounted, his men armed and exercised, for many were the assaults and Ambuscadoes of the Savages…”

Thank goodness! At least someone in the New World has some sense in them!!


Filed under: 1607 > Jamestown > New World > SIGHTing > 1600s >

Guess who we saw buying supplies in town today? Captain Christopher Newport of the stupidly named ship Susan Constant, the largest of the three ships that sailed from England to the colony of Jamestown.

Couldn’t someone else have brought Jamestown supplies??? Why did he come ALL the way back to England to get more?? We have a hunch that he returned to shack up with some English prostitute! 

C’mon bb, you’re not THAT ugly. We’re sure you can do better in the New World!!

OH NO! Fire Destroys Jamestown!!

Filed under: 1608 > Jamestown > New World > 1600s >

Good grief, can’t these guys catch a break??

A fire has apparently destroyed most of the Jamestown colony and it’s the middle of January!! It’s going to take months before repairs are completed.

We hope they know how to quilt because they’re going to need a TON of blankets!!!

Thomas Ravenscroft’s NEW Song!

Filed under: 1609 > Music Minute > 1600s >

Our music prayers have been answered!! If you haven’t already heard, Thomas Ravenscroft wrote a new song about blind mice and it’s soooo good.

The lyrics are:

Three Blinde Mice,
Three Blinde Mice,
Dame Iulian,
Dame Iulian,
the Miller and his merry olde Wife,
she scrapte her tripe licke thou the knife.

Finally something NEW in the music scene! Hopefully he will perform live in our area soon.

Keep the songs coming, bb!!