It’s just another day!
LOL, JK… it’s St. Patrick’s Day!!!!!
America has adopted the Irish holiday that commemorates Saint Patrick, a patron saint of Ireland who converted the people to Christianity. On March 17th, St. P-Diddy’s deathday, the people drink,
drink, drink until they puke, pray, eat and wear shamrocks. St. P-Diddy is said to have used the green clover to explain the Holy Trinity to non-Christians.
Oh, and did we mention St. P-Diddy WASN’T EVEN IRISH???? He was born and raised in Britain before being kidnapped by the Irish and turned into a slave.
Let’s cheers to that!!
OK, OK… our sources claim he’s not REALLY suicidal - just cray cray.
Benjamin Franklin must have been feeling quite
emo courageous the other day, because he and his bastard son went flying kites during a thunderstorm to prove his theory of “electricity.” He believes that lightning carries an electrical charge that can be transferred to other objects.
To prove this, he attached a key to the end of a kite string that connected to a Leyden jar (a device that stores electrical charge). He kept his end of the string dry so that electricity would not carry all the way through and strike him dead. He succeeded.
We’re also hearing rumors that BJ made his son risk his life running around in the rain while he stayed out of harm’s way in a barn.
Wow. He really is a smart guy.
A bastard’s life is ALWAYS more disposable!!!
O no they din’t!!!!!!!!!!!
The motherland, Great
Grandma Britain, has screwed us all again.
Parliament passed the Currency Act to restrict the British colonies from circulating paper money, which they had started distributing as an “IOU” to pay for military expenses during the French and Indian Wars. Since more paper money has been issued than what has been taxed, the value of the money depreciated compared to the British pound.
So, the paper money is now only good for paying taxes, but NOT for buying personal things.
Guess we can finally make that papier-mâché mask of Bach’s face that we always wanted…
Why would anyone ever WANT to wear a flat hat?????
Can you say F-U-G-L-Y-!
very unfashionable men at the College of William and Mary have started some creepy society where they get together, do secret handshakes and talk about undisclosed things. People say the meaning of their frat name derives from the flat hats they wear when they graduate.
HmMmMmM… grown men sneaking around together, drinking beer and being shady…
Um, where does the actual education come into play again?????
Lurning is in da haus!!!!!! Lolololol.
Benjamin Franklin was searching for a site where he could open a public academy for higher learning in the Philly area. He discovered that a charity school in the area lacked funding and was vacated, so it was the best option for BJ’s new project.
Unlike other schools around (Harvard, William and Mary, and Yale), BJ Franky Franks wants this institution to offer more than just religious education. He’s proposing the curriculum also include practical skills and arts.
As much as we think this is a great idea, these good deeds don’t disguise the fact that he has an illegitimate child.
If doing nice things washed away sins, we’d be the friggin’ Pope!
WARNING! This MASShole is a serious HAWT mess alert!!!!
Drunky Adam’s daddy is a very important Boston political figure who is heavily involved in an organization called the Boston Caucus. With the Boston Caucus’s backing, Drunky Adams landed a job as a clerk in the Boston market.
Before daddy got him the sweet gig, our sources say that Drunky Adams lost all the money his daddy loaned him and, after that FAIL, began working as a partner in the family’s malthouse.
So, just to recap, Drunky Adams squandered away his money, made a ton of beer, and now has a job in politics because of daddy???
Sounds like a true American to us!!!
The big ass war over in Europe (the one that leaked into America with a series of military attacks called King George’s War) has come to an end with the Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle.
The A-L-C stated that Maria Theresa, who sparked the war, only had to give up the territory of Silesia to Prussia. Besides that, everything basically ended in status-quo-ante-bellum or, for those of you who speak English, the normal state of things before the war.
While everyone is pretty happy with this arrangement, the people of France are NOT.
SHOCKER. We thought the French were such happy people!!!! LOL.
Despite Louis XV of France’s victories in the war, he has given up everything he conquered to Austria because he’s happy with the land he already rules. Everyone in Europe thinks this is nice of him, but his own people are PISSED. They feel like they worked hard and got nothing out of it.
Cheer up, France. Go eat a baguette and cry into your champagne… you’ll feel better.
Lordy, Lordy!!! Dirty Jersey actually WANTS to learn???
New Light Presbyterians have founded the institution in order to train ministers. Right now the place of higher learning is in Elizabeth, New Jersey, but we hear it will be moving to Princeton in the next decade.
We don’t know why any holy person would want to live in such a filth hole. This is probably the Devil’s doing!!!
You couldn’t pay us enough to go!!
"Lord, stamp eternity on my eyeballs.
@#$%^&*, owww !!! Dayum, Lord, I wasn’t serious!!!!! This is so NOT cool.”
- Jonathan Edwards, Christian preacher and theologian