We don’t know who your God is, but our God would NOT be cool with this!
Neolin, the “Delaware Prophet” of the Lenape (or as the Brits like to call him, “The Imposter”), went on a no-eating diet for a long time and basically hallucinated his life’s purpose. He was told to go see the “Master of Life" (basically God) who said the path to Heaven could only be reached by rejecting European and American ways.
In other words, don’t drink, don’t cheat, don’t have sex PERIOD, live by bow and arrow, and dress in all animal skins.
Ew. Animal skins are soooooooo inhumane, Master of Life!!! And, seriously, we’d bet you five quill pens that “The Imposter" was created from a little liquid courage. Do you want to DESTROY the whole human race?!?
Master L, you craycray, gurl!!!!!!
Yay, we made a rhyme!!!
We’re hearing that the Frenchies surrendered Montreal to the Brits, basically handing over control of French Canada. As the Brits approached with their army to nab the powerful city, the Frenchies pretty much peed their pants and their governor, Pierre de Rigaud de Vaudreuil de Cavagnal, Marquis de
abcdefghijklmnop Vaudreuilraised, raised the white flag.
Wow, the governor actually made the right call! It’s ALWAYS smarter to let go of your ego than allow for senseless bloodshed.
Ummmmm, wait. Did we just side with the Frenchies?!?!?!
Either shoot us or hand over a pair of those HOT French shoes to make us feel better!
Is it a woman??? A man???? Two DIFFERENT people?!?!
We’re convinced homeboy just knows how to work his makeup brush!!!
Both portratis above were done in the same year by two different artists. Adolf Moritz Sachsen-Zeits (right) is a Czech Bishop and A.M. Izmailova (left) is some Russian lady who is friends with an Empress.
OMG, what if these twinsies hooked up and had babies that looked just like them?????
That would be soo
Try saying that 10x fast!!!!
This pivotal battle, AKA “The Battle of Quebec,” was fought on farmer Abraham Martin’s property just outside Quebec city.
Poor Abe!! He probably went outside to feed the cows and found a freaking war on his lawn. LOL!
The siege took place over three months, but the actual battle only lasted a measly 15 minutes. Both the British leader, James Wolfe, and the French leader, Louis-Joseph de Montcalm, were mortally wounded in the attack.
THANK GAWD!! Brits rule, Frenchies DROOL!!!!!
These Brits are getting feisty!!!!
In order to gain easy access to all of Atlantic Canada, the Brits set out to siege control of the French Fortress of Louisbourg. After days of going at it, the
pansy French finally surrendered.
With Louisbourg out of the way, we have a feeling that Quebec will be next.
It’s “aboot” time!! We are SO over the French and their MAJOR ‘tude!
Ugh! What a buzzkill.
If you didn’t already know, the city of Boston is primarily built out of wooden structures packed very closely together. When a series of small fires broke out, it proved to be devastating. Within just three days, 349 buildings were destroyed while thousands were left homeless. Thankfully, no one was killed.
Fire is SO scary!!!
No wonder the Devil loves it so much!!!!
She probably eats bugs now or whatever those hippies eat!
Mary Jemison was captured by the Shawnee Indians and sold to the Senecas. Her family wasn’t so “lucky,” because they were killed and scalped pretty soon after their capture. Mary was adopted into the Indian tribe and given the new name, DehgEwANUS.
Dehg-ew-anus?????? Leave it to the Indians to mess up a name!
Word on the street is EwAnus is adapting nicely into her new fam and will soon marry.
Uh-huh. Good luck with that, bb!
For once, we wish the Indians would just surprise us and actually DO what they’re told!!
After days of fighting, the British finally surrendered Fort William Henry to the Frenchies. The terms of the surrender included that the Brits also peacefully withdraw from another one of their forts, Fort Edward, while the French military protected them.
SO, guess what happens next???
The French-Indians said, bitch plz! They went against the agreement, killing and scalping a TON of defenseless Brits who were evacuating Fort Edward.
And we thought WE had anger issues.
Can anyone recommend a good therapist for the entire Indian population???
"Men… must have corrupted nature a little, for they were not born wolves, and they have become wolves.
Plus, they can’t dance, they have terrible fashion sense AND they can’t keep it in their pants!”
- Voltaire in his novella, Candide
You might as well bury us because we DIED from this news today.
George Washington married his stoopid girlfriend, Martha, 27. MILF Martha already has four children from a previous marriage, who was an old rich guy that died a couple years ago.
Her vajayjay must be HUGE.
At the wedding, Washie wore a blue and silver cloth suit with red trimming and gold knee buckles while MILF Martha wore purple silk shoes with spangled buckles.
Ew. Purple on your wedding day is so tacky!!!
Do U think MILF Martha is good enough for Hawtie Washie?