Americans Hang and Burn Fake Man in Protest of Stamp Act

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…Sometimes we just have no words for these news stories. LOL!

Pissed off by the Stamp Act, Americans wanted to send a message to the Brits that they are NOT okay with the new law. They recently hung an effigy of mASSachusetts' stamp distributor, Andrew Oliver, under an Elm tree (nicknamed “Liberty Tree”). They then took the mock body to Andy’s house where an angry mob beheaded and burned it on his lawn. Unsurprisingly, Andy resigned the next morning. 

Since this protest was so successful, we got a feeling that it won’t be the last.

British Parliament must be shaking in their knickers!!!!!

Quote of the Day

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"No taxation without representation and certainly no fornication without autoerotic asphyxiation.” 

- Popular phrase coined by James Otis

Stamps DON’T Bore People to Death in the Stamp Act of 1765

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Oh. Em. Gee.

WHO CARES??? Is this seriously the biggest deal of the year?!?!? Someone have an affair already!!!

British Parliament has imposed a tax on stamped paper and other printed materials in America to help pay back the debt caused by the costs of British military presence during the Seven Years’ War.

Two tax acts within two years???

Someone get the British P-funks a tampon already. This is the longest case of PMS we’ve ever seen!!

Who Wore it Best?!?!!?

Filed under: 1740s > 1730s > Portrait > Who Wore it Best > France >

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Even those naked babies don’t understand why daddy is wearing a little boys’ outfit!!

In another creepy edition of “Who Wore it Best,” a grown-ass man is dressed up like a little kid. They’re even posing the same!!

Artist Charles Joseph Natoire painted “Portrait of Louis Dauphin of France with a Plan of the Siege of Tournai” (left) in 1747, while William Hogarth painted “William Augustus, Duke of Cumberland” (right) in 1732.

So many guys just REFUSE to grow up these days.

Man up, boys! You can’t stay young forever!!!!

The Sugar Act Pisses Off Fat Americans Everywhere

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This may finally give us a reason to lose the love handles!!

The Molasses Act (1733) made the colonies pay a tax on the importation of foreign molasses, but a lot of sneaky peeps were able to avoid paying the tax completely. With the expiration of the Molasses Act coming to a close, Parliament decided that they needed to revise it.

The Sugar Act (1764) made the tax on molasses cheaper and more enforceable. It also made other foreign goods taxable, including sugar, some wines and coffee.

Tax on sugar, wine AND coffee??? We will just DIE. 

Samuel Drunky Adams and James Otis, Jr. can’t stand the new act and say it’s effed up that the Brits can tax us but won’t give us legal representation.

And WE agree!

No taxation without representation, bitches!!

Letters of Abigail Adams - INTERCEPTED!!!

Filed under: 1764 > 1760s > John Adams > abigail adams >

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OOOOoooohhhh, gurl, we hope you do not have scandal written all over these!!!

Mrs. Abigail Adams, wife and cousin of Pervy John Adams, has been writing up a storm and we’ve managed to get our hands on some letters!! And guess which ones are the juiciest?? The letters to Pervy Adams pre-marriage, of course!!

On April 19, 1764 the mixed-signals vixen wrote to him:

"… I think thee, friend; such knowledge as that is easy to be obtained without paying for it.”

Abby ‘The Animal’ Adams totes put him in the friendzone!!!! We love it! And a day later things get REALLY hawt…

Why may not I visit you days as well as nights? I no sooner close my eyes, than some invisible being, swift as Alborack of Mahomet, bears me to you, — I see you, but cannot make myself visible to you. That tortures me… “

We don’t know what this Alborack of Mahomet is, but it sure sounds seXXXy.

Get it, gurl!!!

Pervy John Adams Marries His COUSIN!!!!!!!!

Filed under: 1764 > John Adams > Abigail Adams > Weddings > 1760s > Top 10 >

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OK, so it’s his third cousin, but we still barfed a little!

Lawyer John Adams, almost 29, has wed his third cousin, 19-year-old-ish Abigail Smith. Supposedly, Pervy John Adams was really turned on by his family member a quiet, young girl who is knowledgeable about philosophy, politics and poetry.

OOooh, the three P’s!

Apparently that’s all it takes to throw all morality outside the carriage window!!

Benjamin Franklin Talks Smack About the Paxton Boys!!

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Oh, but he DID!!!

BJ Franky Franks went on the record via newspaper to tell the world how much he disapproves of the Indian-killing Paxton Boys

Our hero!! We just got sooOooOo turned on. LOL!

And, after learning the government has actually been protecting the surviving peaceful Indians, the PB decided to march into town to give everyone a piece of their brainless minds.

But don’t worry! Our sources claim that BJ Franky Franks met them outside of town and negotiated peacefully with them. Then, the PB turned around and went home.

Suckas!

Don’t you EVA come back!!!!

A Buncha Dicks, “The Paxton Boys,” Murder Peace-loving Indians

Filed under: 1763 > Paxton Boys > Indians > Conestoga > Christian > God > Bible >

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YUCK!!!! This is the most disgusting thing we’ve heard all year!!

After the French and Indian War, a big wave Scots-Irish immigrants moved onto Indian land. They are claiming that the Indians raid their homes, steal their stuff and even kill innocent people. For revenge, Reverend John Elder gathered a militia and viciously attacked a tribe of the Susquehannock, who are primarily Christian and have lived happily near their European neighbors for many decades. 

Wait. A REVEREND organized to murder a bunch of fellow Christians for revenge???

We aren’t religious scholars or anything, but we think he’s reading from the wrong Bible!!

BJ Franky Frank’s Bastard Son is Appointed Royal Governor of NJ

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We can hear the fist pumping celebration all across Jersey!!

BJ Franky Frank’s used his power to trick people into believing that his son, William Franklin, is more than a prostitute’s mistake useful aid in his science experiments. After completing a law education and proving himself to be a competent human being, William has secured a place as Royal Governor of NJ.

OoOoh, ooh! Can we suggest the first order of business?? Open up a dance club on the Jersey Shore!!!

All that bumpin’ and grindin’ will do WONDERS for the economy (and our asses)!!!!!!